Transitioning the Transition; or Where the Hell Am I?

I’m in a peculiar state of mind.

Last summer I talked about transitioning from major depression to “normal life,” but that’s turned out to contain it’s own triumphs, setbacks and pitfalls crisscrossing each other.  So now I’m at the junction of several smaller transitions in the middle of one overarching one:

Ongoing move from working to retired life and the resulting changing identity;

Moving away from intense psychological and physical stress and their conditioned responses;

Dealing with the ongoing residual fallout from the stress and the confounding battle with inertia;

Dealing with the drastically different changes in living environment;

Just deal –

Jodi butts in.  “Hello all!  Judi’s id here.  She does get boring doesn’t she?”

Jada coughs delicately. “This is Judi’s post.”

Jodi waves a hand.  “And if you’ve forgotten, Jada is Judi’s superego which leaves Quiet One over there.”

Quiet One sighs.  “I’ve been calling myself Julie for months.  Do keep up.”

Jodi sighs.  But you’re still so…quiet.”

Julie  nods.  “I speak up when it’s important.”

Jada arches a brow at Jodi.  “THAT, she does especially when you get a bit too rowdy.”

Jodi huffs.  “How was that incident in London too rowdy?  I wasn’t even looking at him!”

Jada coughs delicately again.  “We talked about this, dear.”

Julie chuckles.

Jodi’s mouth opens then snaps shut.  “Well.  Anyway, what Judi was trying to say was – ”

I gape at the trio.  “Hold on now!  London wasn’t Vegas. Nothing happened there we can’t talk about.”

All three stare at me.

I carry on, suddenly feeling insecure.  “Erm, er, so.  Can I continue with my post?”

Jodi tuts.  “But it’s sooo dry.  Can’t we just recap and get on with talking about London?  I love talking about London.”

I scowl.  “I can recap.  I wanted to say that-”

Jodi jumps in.  “She wanted to say that she was depressed being a totally stressed out, mentally and physically sick, broke mess who couldn’t see her way clear, and now she’s a less stressed, mentally better, physically creaky, solvent mess in a new home who can’t figure out where to go next with all the possibilities!  Right Judi?”

Jada purses her lips.  “Wellll, maybe that was a bit… harsh.”

Julie snickers.  “I think Judi means to say that her situation is constantly evolving, but for the better, with small transitions coming fast along the way.  Now she has to learn to adjust to adjusting – learn new behaviors for her new world.”

I sigh.  “Thanks Julie.  Yes, I’m trying to adjust to adjusting and not being able to predict what happens next.  Very aptly put.  It’s such a strange feeling.  Don’t think I’m very good at it.”

Julie pats my hand. “You’re doing great.  As Dr. G. says, don’t rush it. Just consider plans and chart a schedule.”

Jodi sits up brightly. “Okay!  So can we talk about London now?  You know, that Armitage bloke.”

I blink tiredly.  “What?”

A soprano voice sings out. “Have no fear, FAN GURL is here!”

I groan. “Oh no.”

The trio hoot and holler.  “Oh yes!”


9 thoughts on “Transitioning the Transition; or Where the Hell Am I?

  1. Intense like. I am relieved you are going to write about London — I was a bit worried!

    I hear you on the transition thing. Once certain things disappear it’s so hard to know what to do —

    • I was going to write in chronological order, but now that doesn’t seem so important anymore. London was great; there was nothing NOT to blog about. It was just Real Life ruminating getting in the way of reflecting about the London thing.

      Yes, transitions are so much easier when there are benchmarks to notice (or cling to) in some area of life. But when everything is in flux, I feel rudderless and a bit paralyzed, to be honest.

      • hey, I’ve got plenty of stuff to cling to (above all the obligation to be at work every day at 8! something I never thought I’d ever do) but I am still dealing with the rudderless problem. I don’t feel paralyzed in terms of day to day life but there are big other pieces that make me feel motionless much of the time. I am trying to accept it and observe but that is absolutely not my natural inclination. I want to do something, anything!

        I don’t know that chronology is important — I did mine that way because it structured the story but if it’s easier not to contemplate that whole mountain, why not do it differently. I am really eager to hear what you’ll write.

  2. I am so glad things are going well. But you are killing me with mystery. I am hooked. So … what about London?

  3. Hi Judi and her girls!
    No, not “those” girls–I mean the J girls pack. Anyway, I think I need to get my own Greek or Midwestern chorus to kick me in the butt to finally start some confidential shredding. I mean, who needs two to twelve year old utility bills? They’re paid, unlike the latest crop that will come in the mail soon. Ha!
    And I need a tall dark handsome man who shaves himself back to sexy stubble to bring me a butterscotch Sunday as my recycling RewArd. *wink*
    Hugs & Cheers! Grati ;->

  4. I just KNEW that Fangurl was there! Can’t wait to read all about it! That is whenever you are ready… soon? (I hope). 🙂

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