Fanstravaganza 3 – The ChaRActers Go to TheRApy: Part 3


It’s almost over, oh noes! In fandom, Phylly3 celebrates her second blogiversary!   In the Hobbit chain, Antonia Romera compares trailers for An Unexpected Journey in three languages CDoart‘s the King Richard Armitage blogger, writing on the relevance of the character in times of questionable justice In fanfic, Jo Ann finishes her story fedoralady traces the evolution of her “sloth fic” series In freeform, Gratiana Lovelace rescreens her Armitage birthday vid Fabo casts Armitage in Hollywood musical remakes C.S. Winchester takes on Armitage in period costumes from N&S and Miss Marie Lloyd Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy, Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut 


 We last left off here and here with our intrepid heroine not getting her money’s worth in therapy.  But her fantasy figure certainly is.

A Big City


I gaze at my watch again.  Has it only been 45 minutes?  Have we slipped into a crack in the space/time continuum?  Surely it must be next week.  On the upside,  Guy has covered a lot of ground but the session ends in five minutes.  What could possibly go wrong?

Guy sits slumped in his chair, his fingers still caught in his long hair – correction, much longer hair.  It falls in waves to his shoulders, obscuring his perfect profile.  His black leather has changed for the designer Italianate variety.  He’s ready for the cover of Medieval GQ.   Oh dear.  I have a bad feeling about this.

Jada makes an observation. “Dr. G. seems to be putting him through changes.”

Jodi licks her lips. “I’ve always liked this version best.”

Quiet One … is quiet.

Winston and Patty paw through my copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (Fourth Edition), chuffing and apparently arguing with each other.  Clever pooches.

I glance curiously at Dr. G. as she scribbles notes in earnest.   She has pulled books off the shelf behind her, including her own DSM manual.  Her eyes have a strange light, the kind I get when I think about “peaches.”

Jada eyes the manual.  “She’s probably thinking about how many diagnoses she can cram into her medical journal article,  plus her best seller and a slot on Oprah’s new network.”

Jodi ogles Guy as he turns his glamorous face to the therapist.  “She’s probably thinking about the ethical question of treating and shagging a fantasy figure at the same time.”

Quiet One snerks.

Dr. G. stops scribbling.  “Let me get this straight, Guy.  You craved the love of your mother, hated your father, and eschewed love and security for status and power.  Despite your childhood experience, you accidentally abandoned your baby in pursuit of that in the fear that your lady love would find out?”

Guy’s lovely brows furrow in confusion.  “Aye, er… nay… er… aye?”

Jada interjects.  “Well, it’s a little bit more complicated that…”

Jodi adds gleefully. “Yes, don’t forget about the love/hate relationship with Vasey.  Oh, the Freudian  implications there!”

Quiet One actually nods.

Winston and Patty rip pages out of the DSM manual.  They have an impressive pile.

Dr. G. sighs.  “Vasey?”

Guy looks away grimly.  “The Sheriff of Nottingham.  He was my liege lord since I was made a knight.  I was duty bound to carry out his orders.   He promised me return of my family lands, status and power that was taken from us when King Richard took the throne.  His ways … were not always well received.”

Jada nods.  “Guy was the black knight.”

Jodi elucidates further.  “Guy was the sadistic, lying, cheating, hand chopping, murdering black knight.”

Is Quiet One holding her breath?

Guy flicks his hair and snaps defensively.  “I only chopped off one hand, killed a few.  My sins were middling as far as black knights go.”

Jada ponders this.  “Yes, he does have a point.  He was fairly average.”

Jodi scoffs. “Average?  He couldn’t shoot an arrow straight, lost every fight with Robin Hood and was a lousy swordsman!”

Quiet One is … yes, that was sporfle.

I almost sporfle as well.  Jodi, as usual, makes a point;  Guy was not only pretty, he was a pretty bad black knight.  Who knew?

Guy jumps to his feet, shaking in impressive manly umbrage.  “I did the best I could, you accursed… id! I did not wish to do it at all! I could not get away from Vasey.  At least Marian could see the best in me.”

Jada clears her throat uncomfortably.

Jodi harrumphs.  “And look what happened there…”

Quiet One heaves a long sigh.

Winston and Patty pause in their page ripping.

I gaze anxiously at my watch.  “It’s time, session is over!  Let’s go!”

Everybody ignores me.

Dr. G. can’t help herself.  “So what happened with Marian?”

Guy’s lovely features scrunch heartbreakingly, sapphire eyes welling with tears.

Jada begins hesitantly.  “Well… there was an unfortunate knifing…”

Jodi puts it out there. “He ran her through with his sword.”

Quiet One is … very quiet.

I hold my breath.

Guy erupts in a rage, hair flying gorgeously as he shakes his head.  “It was an accident! I did not mean to do it.  I would never harm her!”

Dr. G. leaps to her feet cooing.  “Of course, now calm yourself.”

Guy continues in his angst. “It was truly an accident!  But such words that came from her mouth … she said she would rather die than marry me, that she would marry Hood!  I wanted to stop those words.  I had my sword like thus -”  He whips out the broadsword.  ” – and reached for her like thus -… GOD’S BLOOD … !”

We all gasp, including surprised Dr. G. with the sword sticking out of her.

She stares up into Guy’s face.  “I – I think … I know … what your problem is.”

We all lean in close.

She gasps out.  ” You – You … You’re a fuck-up.”  *THUD*

To say there is a long silence is an understatement.

Jada states the obvious.  “This isn’t good.”

Jodi considers the remark. ” It sure isn’t!  Is “fuck-up” even in the DSM manual?”

Winston and Patty gape and shake their heads.

I’m beyond words.  On the downside I have a dead therapist on my hands.  On the upside, I won’t have to worry about the bill.  It’s always best to think positive.

Guy stares in angst at his sword, probably wondering how it got there, too. His magnificent shoulders droop in resignation. “I am cursed! I have killed another innocent maid.  This cannot stand.  I must throw myself upon the mercy of your law.”

Jada is ever pragmatic. “Point that thing elsewhere, Guy.  Actually, you’re not real.  None of us are.  So only Judi can go to prison.”

Jodi grins saucily. “Exactly! So you’ll have to resort to getting blindingly drunk and indulging in wild forgetful sex every night again.”

Guy flinches.  “I remember not.”

Jodi winks.  “It hasn’t been written.  Yet.”

Jada finishes her assessment. “And Patty will be ripped from the bosum of her rescue forever home and thrown back into the clutches of foster care.”

Patty yelps and faints.  Winston whines at her.

I’m feeling a bit faint myself.  I could see it now: The new Twinkie defense! – woman says therapist killed by fantasy figure, only eyewitness is traumatized dog, news at 11.

Quiet One speaks, astounding us all.  “Look, if Guy isn’t real, then neither is the sword.  See, there is no wound at all.  I think she’s just suffered something like a psychic shock.  It’s going to be okay!”

We gawp at Quiet One for a second as the realization sinks in.  Much relieved backslapping ensues.

I am exhausted.  “Well, we’d better get out of here before she wakes up.  Hopefully she won’t remember a thing.”  Or I’ll need a new therapist.

Suddenly a male voice booms. “It looks like I have arrived just in time!”

We look around before finally looking down.  There stands a small, stocky, but very attractive fit figure with long flowing gray streaked locks and full beard, regal blue robes and a fur cloak. Blue eyes regard us imperiously.

Guy eyes the interloper, sensing competition.  “Who is this?”

The figure pulls himself up to full height.  He barely reaches Guy’s elbow.  “I am Thorin Oakenshield, King of Erebor, and King Under the Mountain.”  He turns to me and inclines his head.  “I am at your service, madam.”

Jada smiles.  “Ohhhh, it’s the Hobbit dwarf!  Are we moving on already, Judi?”

Jodi stoops, pinches Thorin’s cheek, and coos.  “He is sooo cute!  Wait until we get him some sexy time with that elven model.”

Thorin blushes and sputters. “We don’t do such things with elves!”

Jodi winks and strokes his beard. “Oh, but you’ll like what this elf does.”

Quiet One laughs.

Guy turns charmingly red in the face.  “You are forsaking me for a … a… a HOBBIT DWARF?”

I quickly try to smooth this over.  “I’m not forsaking you -”

Thorin interrupts.  “She promised to write me tales in which I regain my kingdom and riches.”

All eyes turn to me.

I shrug helplessly.  Oh dear.  I wonder if I’ll survive the next session.


It’s almost over, oh noes! In fandomPhylly3 celebrates her second blogiversary!  In the Hobbit chain, Antonia Romera compares trailers for An Unexpected Journey in three languages  CDoart‘s the King Richard Armitage blogger, writing on the relevance of the character in times of questionable justice  In fanficJo Ann finishes her story  fedoralady traces the evolution of her “sloth fic” series  In freeformGratiana Lovelace rescreens her Armitage birthday vid  Fabo casts Armitage in Hollywood musical remakes  C.S. Winchester takes on Armitage in period costumes from N&S and Miss Marie Lloyd  Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy, Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut 


Fanstravaganza 3 – The ChaRActers Go to TheRApy: Part 2



Half over, already! In King Richard Armitage, Servetus admits to (gasp!) stray thoughts while lecturing In fanfic, Margaret Hale guestposts at John Thornton‘s on why she loves him Jo Ann continues her story In freeform, Jas Rangoon jokes about potential reproductive partners for Mr. Armitage Itsjsforme reveals another Guy of Gisborne PSA (still not safe for work!) Gratiana Lovelace needs more help captioning “Whimsical Moments with Deadly Serious ChaRActers!”   In fandom, IngeD3 focuses on Ricky Deeming Fabo confesses her Richard Armitage eyelash fetish! In the Hobbit, it’s calories galore as Antonia Romera discusses fingerlicking at the Hobbit table The Queen takes on Hobbit cakes Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

Don’t forget the core bloggers! And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy, Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut 


We last left off here with our intrepid heroine not getting her money’s worth in therapy.  But her fantasy figure certainly is.

A Big City

7:35 PM

I look at my watch and shake it. Could Guy have only been talking 30 minutes?  It felt like hours. He was voice lovely and I wouldn’t have minded him reading the phone book, but still.   I check with my ever present trio.

Jada pulls out my trust iPhone.  “He’s only been talking 27 minutes and 20 seconds.”

Jodi waves impatiently.  “Shhhh.  He’s talking about his wooden ducky. Something Oedipal is bound to come up.”

Quiet One is … quiet.

Patty yawns.  Winston pops out of the bag with a chew toy to share.  Patty is game.

I sit back and fume.

Guy sits partially stretched out in his chair, head resting on the back, eyes gazing at the ceiling.  I do a double-take.  Was his hair longer?  And where did the cravat go?  My psyche must be leaking like a sieve.

 “… so you see,  after my grandpere carved it for me,  I went every where with my wooden duck. It was really quite intricate and delicate.  I took it with me when tending the chickens. I slept with it at my side. I could not be without it. My mother was much amused.”

Dr. G. nodded.  “It was a security blanket for you.  You felt safe with it.”

Guy turns a perfect profile to us, his voice racked with pain.  “But my father was not amused.  He said my actions were unbecoming a man child.  He snatched it from me and smashed it with a mallet.  He refused to let my mother comfort me, saying she was making me soft.  As time went on, my mother became more distant.  After my sister Isabella was born, she had no time for me.”

Jada shakes her head sadly.  “Aww, poor lost lamb.”

Jodi nods sagely.  “It’s the little things that count.  I told you I should’ve had a rubber ducky growing up. Bath time was sooo boring.”

Quiet One is … quiet.

Winston and Patty shiver at the mention of bath time.

I sputter.  “But I never wanted a rubber ducky!  Who’s personality is this anyway?”

Dr. G. presses on.  “So that was the last time you felt truly loved and secure?”

Guy clenches his long fingers into fists.  “It was my father! He took my sainted mother away from me and then abandoned us all for the Crusades.  He returned a leper. I hated him!”

Dr. G.  taps her pen against her lips.  “So, that was when you decided to forgo love and security for status and power. Oh, that’s quite Oedipal.”

Jodi hoots, nudging me.  “Told you!”

Jada frowns.  “Shhhh!”

Quiet One is ….  no, there’s a grunt.

Guy’s long lashes flutter as he is interrupted in his angst.  “What is this “Oedipal”?”

“Dr. G. clarifies.  “It’s a psychological process in development in which males want to do away with the father and protect the mother.”

Jada raises a finger delicately.  “It’s a childhood thing…”

Jodi adds helpfully. “It is when you want to kill your father and shag your mother, honey.

Quiet One is… absolutely quiet.

Oh.  Shit.

Guy leaps out of his chair, enraged, hair falling perfectly around his face.  “God’s blood! Lie with my mother?  What manner of accursed talk is this!”

Jodi is undaunted. “You notice he didn’t deny wanting to kill his father. You would think he’d treat his own babe better than to leave it to die in the woods like that.”

Jada nods.  “Very true.”

Quiet One grunts.

Winston and Patty softly growl.

I groan, wondering if Dr. G. is now charging by the day, instead of the hour.

Dr. G.’s pen stops tapping.  She gapes in shock, probably wondering how she can call the medieval police.  “You left your child to die in the woods?”

Guy, caught out, bites a fist in anguish. “I never intended to leave Seth there.  And no, he did not perish.  The outlaws took him.”  He holds out his long arms beseechingly.  “I was only taking the child to the abbey to keep the tale from Lady Marian!”

Jada looks pained.  “Oh, and about Marian…”

Jodi, ever helpful, fills Dr. G. in. “That’s the same Marian that Guy banged in Judi’s porn.”

I murmur flatly.  “Thanks for reminding us, Jodi.”

Winston and Patty look at each other.

Dr. G. leans forward, sensing she is on to something.  “I see.  So this Marian was quite special to you?”

Guy pauses with a gleam in his eye, remembering the sexy time, then shakes his head as if clearing it.  He collapses into his chair, clutching his head in angst.  “No, no, that wasn’t real. I cannot talk about this.  Let us not go on!”

Jada shakes her head.  “Guy, it’s for the best, dear.  You have to get it all out.”

Jodi offers her assistance.  “They say things feel worse before they feel better.  Well, maybe in your case, worse still.”

Quiet One gazes at the door.

Winston and Patty groan.

I sit back and heave another sigh.  Should have brought my sleeping bag.


Half over, already! In King Richard ArmitageServetus admits to (gasp!) stray thoughts while lecturing  In fanfic, Margaret Hale guestposts at John Thornton‘s on why she loves him  Jo Ann continues her story  In freeformJas Rangoon jokes about potential reproductive partners for Mr. Armitage  Itsjsforme reveals another Guy of Gisborne PSA (still not safe for work!)  Gratiana Lovelace needs more help captioning “Whimsical Moments with Deadly Serious ChaRActers!”   In fandomIngeD3 focuses on Ricky Deeming  Fabo confesses her Richard Armitage eyelash fetish!  In the Hobbit, it’s calories galore as Antonia Romera discusses fingerlicking at the Hobbit table  The Queen takes on Hobbit cakes  Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

Don’t forget the core bloggers! And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy, Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut 


Fanstravaganza 3 – The ChaRActers Go to Therapy: Part 1

Yup, there’s more! In freeform: Melanie on why Harry Kennedy is the perfect man Rose Gisborne on which colors look best on Richard Armitage Itsjsforme unveils Guy of Gisborne’s latest public service announcements (not safe for work!) In fandom, Fabo on Richard Armitage’s statements about fans   Gratiana Lovelace requests help captioning in “I’m Too Sexy for My T-Shirt!” The Hobbit chain goes creative with The Queen on Hobbit quilts Mrs. E.B. Darcy on Hobbit action figures! For King Richard Armitage, IngeD3 reviews the Michael Hicks biography of the fifteenth-century king In fanfic, John Thornton on why he loves Margaret Hale Jo Ann introduces us to a new Armitage character she knows we’ll love Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy, Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut


A Big City


Sitting in my therapist’s office, I can tell right off the bat this will not go well.

Dr. G pulls out her notes and peers over her specs, very blonde and Rene Zellweger-ish. “It’s good to see you back again this week.  Before we begin, I want to cover a few things in my notes. Okay?”

I clutched the sofa pillow and nod.  Time to take attendance.

“Okay, now Patty is your real dog but Winston, your black dog of depression, is not, although he wants to be a real dog, preferably a pug?”

Winston pops his head out of my bag. “Rarf!”

Patty pops her head out alongside and growls at him.  He retreats.  I sigh and nod.

Dr. G. stares at the capacious bag.  “Right.”

“And Jada, Jodi and Quiet One are your personality’s superego, id and ego?”

The trio takes up room on the sofa, telling me to budge over.

Jada nods primly. “That is correct.”

Jodi smirks.  “You betcha.”

Quiet One is well… quiet.

“And none of them are actually “real”?”

I smile.  She’s finally getting the hang of this.

Dr. G. blinks at us.  “Interesting.  So, who is he?”  She jabs her pen in the direction of the chair next to her where a long lithe figure with a mullet, tight black leather and gold cravat slouches.

Winston pops out again, clearly interested.  “Ruh roh.”

Oh shit. Was my psyche leaking?  “That’s just a figment of my imagination. Pay no attention to him.  He’s not real.”

Dr. G. eyeballs the figure from head to toe, an brow arching higher with each pass.  “If he’s a figment of your imagination, why can I see him?”

I gesture around the crowded room.  “Er, mass hysteria?”

The figure unfurl his long form from the chair and huskily purrs.  “I assure you milady that I’m quite, quite real.  I am called Sir Guy of Gisborne.  He leans close to kiss her hand.

Dr. G’s mouth forms a round “O” as she stares and swallows.  “Oh, you’re the muse she mentioned, for her blog.”

I cut my eyes at Guy.  Damn him!  What was he doing here?  Did Dr. G. just bat her lashes?  “Dr. G., pay no attention to him.  He’s just an especially pushy fantasy.  Now, I’m here to talk about Winston.  He’s been an utter monster this week-“

Winston harrumphs in apparent umbrage.

Guy waves a dismissive hand at me.  “Nay, I wish to speak to this… mesmerist… of yours.  He turns a 1000 watt smile on her, revealing perfect white teeth.  How did he have such teeth in medieval England?  “Lady Judi had failed to keep her end of the bargain.”

Jada sighs.

Jodi sits forward. “This should be good.”

Quiet One is… quiet.

Dr. G.’s eyes light up as she scribbles fast, thinking of that medical journal write-up, no doubt.  “A bargain, you mean like … with the devil?”

Guy flicks a lock of dark hair out of his eyes.  “Nay milady, I’ve been called a devil many a time, but I’ve made no pact with him.  No, Lady Judi promised that if I would be her muse, she would write me stories of gaining my heart’s desire, status and power!”

Oh.  Hell.

He nails me with an accusing stare, blue eyes flashing.  “Instead, she writes  this … “fanfic” she calls it … tales of “porn.””

All eyes turn to me.

“She writes of me standing naked under waterfalls, pleasuring myself.” He smiles faintly to himself, apparently not too unhappy about it.

Jada sighs and tuts.  “I told her not to do it.”

Jodi grins saucily and licks her lips.  “I thought she did good!”

Quiet One is … – wait, was that a chuckle?

Winston and Patty look at my curiously.

I turn beet red.

A corner of Dr. G.’s mouth quirks.  “Fanfic?  Porn?”

I flounder lamely.  “Well, he would tend to get sweaty in tight black pleather… and … and it was integral to the plot!”

They all stare.

“How about burgeoning horniess secondary to incipient menopause?  I read that at”  I clear my throat. ” Besides Guy, I gave you some Marian sexy time!”

Guy turns away, voice quavering in anger, to show us his excellent leather clad backside.  All eyes drift to his arse.  ” I asked for status and power!  That’s all I ever wanted.  That’s all I asked!”

Dr. G. leans forward.  “You say you’ve always wanted status and power.  Did you have a difficult childhood?”

Guy slumps into his chair, sighs and bows his head. “Aye, very difficult.”

Jada leans foward in motherly concern. “Guy, you should talk about this.”

Jodi hoots in definite un-motherly concern.  ” Yeah, tell us all about it, baby.”

Quiet One is definitely chuckling.

Winston and Patty look at each other.  “Ruh roh.”

Sigh.  It’s going to be a long 50 minutes.


Yup, there’s more! In freeformMelanie on why Harry Kennedy is the perfect man  Rose Gisborne on which colors look best on Richard Armitage  Itsjsforme unveils Guy of Gisborne’s latest public service announcements (not safe for work!)  In fandomFabo on Richard Armitage’s statements about fans   Gratiana Lovelace requests help captioning in “I’m Too Sexy for My T-Shirt!”  The Hobbit chain goes creative with The Queen on Hobbit quilts  Mrs. E.B. Darcy on Hobbit action figures! • For King Richard ArmitageIngeD3 reviews the Michael Hicks biography of the fifteenth-century king • In fanficJohn Thornton on why he loves Margaret Hale  Jo Ann introduces us to a new Armitage character she knows we’ll love  Links to all FanstRA 3 posts appear here at the end of each day.

And don’t forget the core blogggers!  Mulubinba- An RA Viewer’s Perspective, Frenz- RA Frenzy,  Fanny-Distracted Musings of One ReAlity, Bccmee- Bccmee’s Fanvids & Graphics, CDoart- RA History & Spooks, Traxy- The Squee, Servetus- Me + Richard Armitage, Jonia- Jonia’s Cut


Composing Erotica or How to Write Porn

I knew that would get your attention.

For the last few months, the regulars in the ArmitageWorld chat room (it’s the place to be 9PM – 1AM EST) have been asking, “Judi, when are you writing some porn? More porn! More porn!” (they are a classy bunch).  Each time I say I don’t know when I’ll write more *erotica.*   I encourage them to write their own, but they plead ignorance.

Let me start right off by saying I don’t have a clue how to write erotica either.  No, seriously.  Before posting my story over Christmas, it had been a long time since I wrote fiction, and never since writing erotica.  Since my readership is so demanding (I’m looking at you, chat room gals), I knew getting away with an erotica-free Guy story wasn’t going to happen.  No cutaway to exploding fireworks would work for them.  So I researched it.

After quickly realizing Google would take me places I really didn’t want to go, I headed to which turned out to be a vast depository of erotica and how-to books. I spotted one called literally How to Write Erotica and the other, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Writing Erotic Romance.  The latter one had me at “Idiot’s Guide.”  I purchased them both and waited.   Since one was an ebook, I didn’t have to wait long.   By page 182 of the 266 page book, I was yawning and still hadn’t gotten to the “good part” – how to write the mechanics of explicit sex- which my readership explicitly requested.  When the other honest-to-goodness-paper book arrived, I noted its thinness and made short work of it.  An hour later, I came to a realization – I’d learned nothing.  So, how do I write good erotica?

Needless to say, this was no help to me at all.   But because I was running against a self-imposed deadline, I simply dove in and started throwing sentences and paragraphs together to see what sounded good.  Then I realized the books were absolutely right in what they had been trying to tell me all along.  They could give pointers, but nobody can really teach how to write erotica.   As one book suggested, you simply have to get over your inhibitions and write it.

Obviously I’m no expert in erotica with only one story under my belt, but this is what I found: what eventually occurs in the story reflects how comfortable you are with the scenes and how far you want to go with them.  If you’ve never read erotica, you need to find some and read lots of it to learn different styles of prose.  Do you want to the sex to be implied or explicit?  Do want a sensuous (of the senses) tone or a more sexual (carnal) vibe or something in between?  What words do you feel comfortable using in describing the human body?  How does the scene work to move the story along?

Basically imagine what you would like to read and write it.  If you like it down and dirty and it fits in with the story line, then that’s the way to go.  If using clinical anatomical words would throw you right out of a scene, then don’t use them.  If more romance with only implied sex is your style, then that is what you should write.  If you’re uncomfortable with an action, then don’t go there because your reader will sense it immediately.

If there is one secret I’ve culled from reading, it’s this – if it doesn’t turn you on, it probably won’t turn on the reader either.



Fan Fic Musings or The Morning After

As I stated when this blog first began, my aim has been to revitalize my creativity that’s been for so long.  So I dabbled in different things including making a fan vid and rediscovering drawing.  But writing fan fiction has been interesting.

I’ve written a few stories in other fandoms, most of them dark psychological snapshots, but all of them, short, taking no more than a few hours to create a first draft.   The Chest is the longest piece I’ve ever done, created for NaNoWriMo in November.  It took the better part of a week with 70% fantasizing/woolgathering and 30% actually pounding out the story. In the process, I learned several things.

I’m terrible with plots.  My friend ElsaF helped me create the framework.  She can spin a yarn off the top of her head in two minutes flat without even breaking a sweat.  When I asked how she did it, she replied to stick to several basic tenets:

  • Character faces a challenge/conflict or something the character wants to stop.
  • Create obstacles for the character to overcome in facing the challenge.
  • Character must find a way to overcome the challenge/conflict.
  • Character must deal with the consequences/resolution of the conflict.

She assured me formulating the plot was the easy part.  Well, once she pointed out a plot, sure, it was blindingly obvious.  Finding that spark of an idea is key.  I would love to spin yarns as simply as she does, on my own.

I apparently get a kick out of doing things the hard way. The Chest did not have an outline.  It didn’t have a character study aside from the one already provided by the series.  All I had initially was the sexy waterfall excerpt I’d written as a dare to myself.   I wrote the story around that chapter.  Yes, Dear Reader, I started with the sex first.

Writing the sexy part wasn’t as difficult in the way I anticipated.  Having read many very good erotic fiction stories, I didn’t think I could titillate.  The first hurdle required getting past my inhibitions (I’m writing sex!  HEE!)  After that, erotic writing could be frustrating because it’s like putting together a puzzle.  Personally, I don’t care for purple prose (“her pearly gates of delight”) or cold clinical terms, and neither fit the sensual tone I wanted to convey.  But after awhile, how many ways can one describe the same sex act without being repetitive and dull? Really, it’s not all that exciting.  Writing erotica becomes just as labor intensive as any other part of the story: how many times can I use that noun, that verb? How can I make it different from the last time?  That sort of thing.

My beta readers (thanks so much Servetus and ElsaF!) inform me I dislike commas and am too enamored of all forms of the verb “to be.”  This comes from legal writing (“easy with the comma shaker!” and the flagrant use of passive tense (is, was, were).  Government only recently has started pushing for pithy action verbs and simple language, but it’s a hard habit to break.  It’s lazy writing.  Try writing a paragraph without “to be.”  Worse yet, once Servetus pointed out the affliction, I felt almost wedded to the verb. I can’t seem to divorce it but I’m working on it.

A protracted short story is quite labor intensive.  Even when I finally had a loose plot, I had difficulty keeping the momentum going, finding more obstacles for Marian to overcome.  Once that ball started rolling, I had to figure out where to end the story.  Then it became about pace: Did it move along? Was it consistent?  Was it believable? Was the ending too hokey?  I also learned there is a downside to not having a tighter plot and character study – The Fatal Flaw.  The flaw is a problem so ingrained in the story, that there’s no way to get out of it, save starting from scratch.  As my beta pointed out, the dark side of Guy’s personality never really came through, as in the series.  However bringing that forward might have defeated the Nice Guy premise that enabled him to help the villagers in the first place.  I added a few surly bits here and there, but there was nothing I could to fix it, alas.  But it was a valuable lesson I’ll remember for any subsequent stories.

After thinking, eating and dreaming story for days on end, and the initial euphoria of completion abates, I should never re-read a story until the beta readers edit it.  Without that distance, it all becomes garbage.  The story suddenly became the worst thing I’d ever written as my inner judge put it through the meat grinder.  I’ve heard about writers feeling depressed because they felt too connected to their characters; I felt depressed because I worried the writing wasn’t good enough.  It’s all totally subconscious, of course, and has nothing to do with reality.  Thanks goodness for beta readers slapping sense into me.

Aside from reactions of “more porn, more porn!” (you know who you are), readers asked why there wasn’t more Guy.  I wanted the challenge of writing from Marian’s point of view, partly because I disliked her character in the series.  This necessarily excluded Guy’s side of the story.  Also it’s easier as an initial venture to stick to one POV than switching back and forth.  I wanted to have a developed single POV than risk writing two underdeveloped POVs.

So, where to go from here?  I don’t have a clue.  A year ago, I never imagined myself writing a long story, but there it is.  I don’t imagine writing a sequel because that’s not my thing – unless something really grabs my attention.  Actually, my mind is a complete blank (need more coffee).  I’m open to suggestions about where to venture next.   Thanks so much, Dear Reader, for you feedback and encouraging replies.



The Christmas Surprise Is Here!

The big day has come.  It’s time to roll out the surprise!

Remember a certain “scenic” short story I secretly posted a while ago?  Turns out that was only an except.  Yes, Dear Reader, I actually wrote an entire plot around it which transformed into a fanfic complete with conflict, intrigue and er… more scenery.  It rolls out in eight chapters starting today and ending New Year’s day.  It was a challenge to myself to see if I could do it; it’s been an interesting experience.  It’s also the longest piece I’ve ever done.  I hope you enjoy it.

Password: What was the color of Guy’s wedding cravat?  Keep it simple!

The Christmas Surprise Is Coming!

Yes, the Christmas surprise is shaking off the dust (since it’s been complete for weeks) and readying for a wardrobe walkthrough (read: heavy duty prepping).  After much consideration, the surprise will be completely password protected. Ooer!  More news about it tomorrow, so watch this space.

What's the surprise? Stay tuned! (courtesy


NaNoWriMo or Adventures in Speed Writing

November is National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. It challenges any writer, including you, to sit down at keyboard and dedicate the month to writing 50,000 words, preferably as a novel, in 30 days.  It doesn’t have to be polished or even coherent. (You conceivably can type one word 50,000 times).  The purpose is to get people in the swing of writing. NaNoWriMo has a website where you can register your word count progress each day and see if you’re on track to meet the goal.  As you might imagine, churning out a 50,000 word novel requires concentrated dedication.  To stay on track and possible win at the end of the month, you must average about 1,666 words or a day or 3 1/2 pages doublespaced.

NaNoWriMo has been an internet creative project since 1999.  Each year when it was publicized, I thought it sounded interesting but year after year went by and I never participated either because I heard about it too late or felt daunted by the idea of 50,000 words. This year my fanfic series happened to coincide with this year’s project.  What better way, friends pointed out, to break your writer’s block than NaNoWriMo?

So I registered and then panicked.  Not one to cheat typing gibberish, I needed a plot, but plotting was my main stumbling block.  I moaned and procrastinated for five days, not writing a single word. My kingdom for a plot!  Desperate, I turned to my old beta reader and plotter extraordinaire.  She can reel off a plot in less than 2 minutes without thinking hard. Look, she said. Think about a goal, create obstacles to accomplishing that goal, and then find the solutions to those obstacles. Easy peasy!  Okaaay.

For the conclusion of my series on fanfic writing, I wrote a standalone scene. If you read the Foolish Friday Fan fic post last week, then you know what one I mean.  Since I usually don’t care for scenes without plots, I wanted to write a story around it. Hence, my story for NaNoWriMo was born. So on the 6th day, I sat down to write and instantly stalled. What was my first sentence? Where was this story starting? No problem, the NaNoWriMo forums had openers you could adopt and take home.  So I adopted one. It turned out to be not everything I wanted but it did help jumpstart the opening paragraph.

Over two days, I pounded out over 8,000 words, no mean feat with a short attention span right now.  I spent 70% of the time daydreaming and 30% actually typing.  It gave me a taste of how things can be when Winston finally comes to heel.  I concocted a semblance of a plot, wrote in the standalone scene and sat back.  The result was – a lot of words.  Seriously, the result was an uneven story, but a real recognizable story nevertheless.  Since the goal requires I keep going, there isn’t much time for polishing the rough edges.  The chance of reaching 50,000 words is nil; I will be happy to hit 25,000.  I’ve never written a 25,000 word story in my life.  So I’m certain to finish the month with a sense of having chipped away a bit at my writer’s block.  Another mark for creativity, yes!


Foolish Friday Fan Fic – [Read First]

Hello class.  There will be no pic spam lesson for today.  Instead I’ve published in a separate post extra credit reading to celebrate the ending of my fanfic writing series.  It’s password protected; you will discover why shortly.  Enjoy and have a great TGIF.

BTW, in case you missed yesterday’s prompt, the password is: what the first name of JT’s love in N&S?  The first letter must be capitalized.  Enjoy!


On Writing: Part 2 – Hedgeypig

This is a six part series on writing.  You’re find part 1 here.  In an effort to understand the process of writing fan fiction, I interviewed several writers for pointers.  Joining me to day is Hedgeypig.  She is a talented writer who has written Guy of Gisborne fanfic but now has moved into the realm of original fiction.  Here’s her blurb:

Hedgeypig is a hobbit sized, middle aged curmudgeon with a penchant for the outdoors, writing, film and sleeping. She’s been knocking around the Richard Armitage fandom in various capacities since late 2006. She even met the man in 2009 and squeaked pathetically at him like a terrified dormouse. At some point she may actually submit something to a publisher but don’t hold your breath.


fanfic banner

J:  How and when did you start writing fanfic?
H:  Early 2007 shortly after the first season of Robin Hood had ended. I was inspired by the character of Guy. I’d seen other fanfic after joining the Armitage Army forum and thought I’d give it a go.

J:  Was it difficult at first?
H:  The hardest part is making that leap of faith to publish as you’re putting yourself out there. i found a good beta and that was a massive help as they can help with spelling, grammar and any major plot clangers.

J:  Were you influenced by other writers?
H:  Can’t say I was, no.

J:  How did you improve as a writer?
H:  I feel that simply the act of writing helps improve skills. Also talking to other writers. Alicat and Twiddle and i all beta’d each others work which honed skills in spelling, grammar and plotting. Just write down ideas. they might go nowhere and sometimes they lead to something else.

I have over the past couple of years taken an Open University Course too. I did Creative Writing and Advanced Creative Writing which was a real eye opener. With that you obviously have to move away from writing fanfic to writing original work.

I also read an awful lot.

J:  Did you have previous training?
H:  I wrote for pleasure but no one ever read it so putting my work up on the internet was quite hard.

J:  What do readers look for in fanfic?
H:  Ooh, that’s a difficult one. I can only say what I look for. I’m not keen when people stray too far from the character as written. I think with Guy many people wanted him to be good but he was fundamentally a deeply flawed character. Sadly the actual writers themselves seemed to have rewritten his back story several times which made the character very confusing. Much as they did with Lucas.

A good story, well plotted with the characters not straying too far from their on screen personas. Mary Sues are a complete turn off for me.

J:  I know you write erotic scenes. How do you go about writing such scenes?
H:  Bizarrely at the time Guy was a very fantasy inspiring character and as such I liked to envisage him in erotic situations. However I tended to find those scenes quite difficult to write and if I’m honest looking back find some of them cringe worthy. I have largely moved away from graphic erotic scenes although within fanfic they can be fun.

J:  Would you write fanfic again?
H:  Given the right character certainly but at the moment I’m working a lot on original work. My result for my Advanced Creative Writing Course was much better than I envisaged and I hope to progress the story further at some point.

J:  Would you encourage fanfic writing as a starting point?
H:  Absolutely. You have the characters and a lot of situations there for you as jump off points.

J:  Do you have any advice for novice fanfic writers?
H: Try and stick to the character as written within reason. If you’re not then say so.
Don’t Mary Sue the character (make them unbelievably perfect) Not everyone thinks Richard is gorgeous for example so not everyone should think, Guy, Lucas etc are perfect.

Get a good beta. There’s nothing worse than trying to read a story that’s full of errors.

Don’t lose heart. It’s rare that someone will be unkind but some people may be critical. Constructive criticism is not a bad thing.

Don’t overdo the sex scenes unless you’re very good at writing them.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Don’t put yourself in the story. variations of your personality will most likely creep in but a character that’s definitely you may turn people away.

Be careful with Real person fic. ie writing about Richard for example rather than his characters. A lot of people don’t like it but I have seen it done. Gabriel Kane was undoubtedly inspired physically by Richard but don’t imagine for one minute Richard is anything like the miserable character I have created.

J:  Thanks so much for allowing me to interview you.

H:  My pleasure.


NEXT: An interview with GratianaDS90


FanstRAvaganza 2.8: Never Can Say Goodbye

This is it, the last day of FanstRAvaganza 2. It’s been a madcap week talking All Guy All The Time. Things kicked off with an introduction dedicated to our black knight with two polls; ruminations over how I hate to love him; a feminist take on the show; a wonderful interview with Ann Marie; some sexy musings; a conversion for the uninitiated; and ended with a lovely ficlet written by Ann Marie. Arcing the entire week was Mulubinba’s challenge to convince her that Guy was worthy of all the attention.

Well, let’s deal with the polls first.

The first poll asked: Which series Guy character development did you like best?

S2 – Aww, poor baby just needed love. – 66.13% (41 votes)

S3 – He’s redeemed and triumphed over evil. – 27.42% (17 votes)

S1 – He’s rotten to the core. I love an interesting bad boy. – 6.45 (4 votes)


The second poll asked: Guy changed his image each series. Which one do you prefer?

S2 – Growing the hair and losing the cravat was much better – 67.8% (40 votes)

S3 – Greasy locks, flowing mane, fancy leather. Glamor Guy wins. – 20.34% (20 votes)

S1 – Basic bad guy black all the way. I love the mullet and cravat – 11.86% (7 votes)


The winner is S2 Guy all way. I can extrapolate from that the first question you all simply want to mother S2 Guy…or, erm, something. As for second question, Avalon polled a similar one last year and 64% voted for the S2 Guy image, garnering a 3% increase. Maybe we need to commission a study?

Mulubinba’s challenge was inspiring and I hit the keyboard with dogged determination. Would I be able to reach her? The week ended with Mulubina conceding she was wavering on the issue and might need take a new look at the black knight. Considering her earlier sentiments, I am thrilled to hear this and hope she completes her “Looking for Good in Guy” series. As an added bonus, CDoart announced she was completely persuaded and is now a Guy Girl. I call this a success. My work here is done.

I want to thank the FanstRAvaganza organizers Nat and Traxy for getting things rolling; She Too Shy To Be Named for the beautiful banners (really love the one above, want to kiss it, pet it and call it Ritchie); the other participating bloggers for showing me how it’s done and giving me the confidence to do this; and Servetus for kindly inviting me into this madness. Thank you, Dear Reader, for the lively and encouraging comments. It’s been a blast. Last, but not least, I thank Richard Armitage, whose talents we celebrate.

At the top of the week, I mentioned including a slideshow by our Angieklong. However WordPress wouldn’t play nice so that was scrapped. However she created a fun video I’m sure you’ll all like. So I’ll leave you now with the sexy black knight.

[ETA:  Be sure to catch up on the other participating blogs.  The index is hereRAFrenzy had logistical problems but will continue her celebration this week.  Don’t miss it!]