Tag Archives: fandom

Repost: The Genesis of Perving

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[There was a recent to-do on Facebook that publication of half nude pictures of Richard Armitage from The Crucible were allegedly “objectifying” and “disrespectful.”  It wasn’t the first time the complaints arose and won’t be the last, although critics seem to assume their protests have never before been heard.  Four years ago, I wrote this piece about objectification after some fans complained, among a list of other things that supposedly didn’t honor him.  It elicited such a nice discussion and so many hits that it would be nice to start a new dialogue.]

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A anthropology student alerted me to the following tweet posted on allthingsrarmitage:

“Callipygian is a word coined by the ancient Greeks (‘kallipygos’) that means ‘having beautiful buttocks.” This picture was associated with that reference:

ultimate force arse shot

A nice example of beautiful buttocks.   Courtesy RichardArmitageNet.com

This screen capture is of course Richard Armitage in Ultimate Force.  Ancient Greeks would say he is quite callipygian.  Now this type of talk in the modern age raises protests of objectification.  My question is: why does that have to be so?

Ancient antiquity has always depicted nude image and statues of the human form.

nudes

(l) Greek male nude (r) Replica of nude male wrestlers. Both quite nude. Courtesy of Greek Museum Authority

The human form has always been considered a source of nature beauty, sculpted and painted for ages.  It’s certainly safe to say that because artists could not take actual human being and freeze them in time, they froze them through other media.  The following picture of Michelangelo’s “David,” sculpted circa 1501, is considered a masterpiece:

michelangelo david

Michelangelo’s “David.” Courtesy of Galleria dell’Accademia, Florence

Millions of tourists flock to see this statue.  Nobody would say (other than the must repressed prurient type) that it’s improper to admire and even study this work of art.  People would certainly say “David” is callipygian even though it’s an idealized medieval depiction of a human male.  Nobody could convincingly argue that Michelangelo objectified the human form unless they believe that all nudity is inappropriate.  Since that’s not my premise, I won’t answer that argument since it takes us down the road of morality and personal taste which I’m not discussing here.

So why do fans become uncomfortable when viewing this picture?  It caused quite a stir when first published:

RA as Lucas festooned in tatoos

Richard Armitage as Lucas festooned in tattoos. Would you say this form isn’t view-worthy? Courtesy RichardArmitageNet.com

I observe similar lines and muscles depicted in the idealized statues.  If fact, the real human form is more beautiful because it shows the real flawed form, not simply an idealization.  Does viewing his form suddenly become objectification because he’s a living man?  Is it improper to also say he’s callipygian here?  I argue no.

Sexual objectification arises when a person is viewed as an sexual object or only as one. I have yet to find any fan forum where RA’s artistry and personality isn’t also discussed in detail.  He is not seen solely as an object of lust.  However, it’s self-delusional to say that he shouldn’t be viewed as the sexy man he is.  Human beings are sexual creatures; this is how we have the drive to reproduce our species (or not, as the case may be).  We are hard-wired to perv each other. We sexually objectify each other to a degree on an instinctual level.  We view the human form as desirable and have since probably cave man times.   This form has been frankly depicted since antiquity.  The fact that the modern media makes it possible to photograph the human form in real time doesn’t change anything.

I’m always amused when women protest the loudest that men should not be objectified because it implies a hypocrisy in protesting against female objectification.  I have problems with female objectification only to the extent that it’s used for exploitation.  When that’s not the case, I have no issue if Halle Berry’s fans consider her the epitome of beauty.  Conversely I have no problem with male objectification and feel no shame and admiring male beauty. Is RA being exploited?  He is a grown man who made informed choices to appear in roles requiring undress.  I don’t believe it’s for us to question his judgment as to whether that undress was integral to the story or gratuitous.  I’m comfortable respecting his decisions as to whether he considers himself exploited or not. I can safely assume he would not take a role he deemed exploitative. Even if he did, it was still his decision.  So, I feel free to say that RA’s is callipygian in particular and gorgeous in general without any need to justify.

Here’s an absolutely callipygian screen cap:

Between the Sheets

Richard Armitage as Paul in Between the Sheets. Callipygian, no? My screen cap.

RA arse shot

Very callipygian. Yes? Richard Armitage as Lucas North. Donated artistic screen cap.

 

What, no? Does it really make a difference that this is a screen cap of a real man playing a fictional role in a fictional series?  What if RA decided to pose nude as himself?  I don’t think this picture is less worthy of being admired than if a sculptor made an approved marble statue of his bum or his body and placed it in a museum.  As a straight sexual female, I will admire his body no matter what form it took.

I’m amused every time the objectification issue arises.  When the above tatted picture surfaced, fans drooled but always rushed to add they also admired RA’s work and personality lest they be accused of objectification, although this was understood by everybody.  I find all this protestation unnecessary.  It’s time to drop that veil of political correctness and just be honest as fans.  We like to look up RA’s form because it’s beautiful and desirable.

Just say so.  Period. We understand the rest.

 

 

Monday Musings: Richard Armitage and Twitter

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RA twitter

When Richard Armitage popped onto the Twitter scene August 22nd, his birthday no less, fandom collectively swooned.   Most couldn’t believe he’d gone and done it, despite statements that he “didn’t understand [Twitter].”  Some welcomed him, happy to have him onboard, curious about  what he would say, and grateful to have any perceived interaction with him.  Naysayers dreaded what could happen, fretting that he would lose his aura of mystery, that the more rabid fans would bother him, that he would be able to see and track the ongoings-on meant for fan eyes only.

In the almost five months, since RA started Twitter, fandom has – essentially remained the same.  We did not band together behind our crush to become one big happy peaceful family.  With such a diverse lot, that could never happen.  He still retains his mystery. His selfies, jokes, and charity pitches are at the heart no different from those he messaged frequently in years past and reveal no more than what he wants to show us.  Do we really know more than he’s a dorky guy with a quirky sense of humor, a taste for philanthropy and extreme sport, and a busy work schedule?  Not really.  As for the rabid fans – every fandom has them.  They troll his timeline and I’m sure he’s been warned to ignore them as he did when they contacted his agent.   Does he see the fandom machinations?  I’m sure his people have always kept a finger on the collective pulse; after all, we are the foundation of his livelihood.  They have to notice whatever is posted to his timeline.  But do they notice every fan spat and upheaval?  I’ve always assumed even before Twitter that the answer is: probably but that he and his people have found it unwise and unproductive to become involved.

It’s been suggested that RA’s presence is harmful to fandom because Armitage Protection  Mode types have come down harder on fans perceived to be disrespectful, offensive or somehow injurious to RA and thus hurt fandom creativity – a type of rally around Dear Leader attitude.  While it’s true that some policing fans have seized the opportunity to supposedly get others in line, it’s important to remember that just because RA’s mode of contact has changed, the option to push back has not.  There’s no need for a fan to tolerate browbeating just because “RA is in the house.”  The same is true for what I call “The Happy Police.”  These fans twist RA’s words to “be positive” and “lighthearted” to mean anything not in a fluffy happy vein is verboten because Dear Leader has allegedly spoken.  I don’t believe that fandom as a consequence loses it’s ability to think and speak critically because RA joined Twitter.  (That’s not to say that if RA himself said “Judiang, you’re out of bounds,”  I wouldn’t back down (or leave).  It is his fandom after all, not mine.)   We still have our voices and will continue to have them.  Nothing has really changed.  Only the medium has.

So RA reached 100,000 followers today; fandom goes on.

By the way, I’m still waiting for the rest of the story to come true.  You never know.

 

RECAP- Why RA? : Looking for Mr. Goodcrush Part 2

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I started this series in October 2011.  It had numerous parts but unfortunately I never completed it or answered the ultimate question.  Friends have encouraged me to repost and get on with it already.   Since it’s been almost three years with a new influx of fans, I think it merits a new conversation.

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[I’m telling this story because it represents my background in fandom spanning a period of almost 20 years.  All observations and opinions stated are mine alone. This post has been months in the making because it’s been so difficult to articulate and pen.   It’s important to know this background so Dear Reader can understand upon what basis I attempt to answer the question of various bloggers in Armitage World: Why Richard Armitage?  This series will be posted sporadically as my thoughts gel.  Part 1 is here.]

Flash forward a few years.  I’d been out of fandom awhile and wasn’t looking for a new one.  Then while cruising the internet in 1996, I came across some stunning information about a defunct television show of which I’d been a fan much earlier.  There was a following for this show but the idea of get-togethers to watch episodes didn’t appeal.  So I had nobody with whom to share my enjoyment of this show except my parents who thought I was nuts.  When I came upon the tidbit that the show was rebooting, I knew there had to be others on the internet talking about this.  So I went back to AOHell, and found a forum pointing to an IRC chat room.  I’d never been in real geek chat room and the relative ease of use make chatting much more enjoyable. (This is on which the ArmitageWorld chat room is based.)  I found a small international group of men and women ranging from high school to Older Than Me.  Joy!

When the show finally televised its first episode in 15 years, we held a group viewing which to my surprise was a lot of fun.  The reboot flopped but the chat room continued.  This group had  been attending the national convention for this show in my city every Thanksgiving weekend for the past several years. I’d heard of this con, but the idea of grown people dressing up as characters made me wary.  Two people I’d met in chat convinced me to room with them and attend the con, reassuring me I’d have a blast.  Considering my past experience, I wasn’t keen on meeting virtual friends. What would these people be like?  I’d taken care this time to gauge their personalities and propensities but had I assessed correctly?

fandom chart

I was thisclose to not going but reasoned that since I lived in the same city, I could always go home.  So I packed and journeyed out to the boonies.  As soon as the two entered the room and gave me such radiant smiles, I instantly knew these women were as intelligent, sane, and friendly as they seemed online.  Everything would be alright.  We’ve been best friends for 15 years.  I met many more friends at the con which was a blast as promised. There wasn’t an ax murderer in the bunch.  The fans ran the gamut from grounded to suspect but I learned with cautious inquiries and observation, I could find a group that was a good fit for me.  One of the biggest things I enjoyed was the camaraderie and fun, things I had been looking for all along.

As luck would have it, I was in the inner circle of a fan club which sprang up around the star of the reboot. He was a British actor moderately popular in the UK but unknown elsewhere. From what we heard, the new Mr. Crush was a hard working, pleasant but very private married family man.  He was shy, charming, quietly intelligent with a sense of humor that wasn’t caustic.  He was also a good actor and quite good looking to boot.  He seemed like a safe bet.  I shared this assessment with a circle older, more mature fans who were grounded in their own lives, many of whom has been involved in other fandoms.

On the fandom scale, I was less than “hard core” but more than average. I’m not sure why I’ve never progressed to hard core in any fandom; maybe it’s my personality or Winston’s constant interference but I seem immune.  In any event, Mr. Crush appeared a good focus of my admiration.  Due to my past experience, I entertained no ideas about meeting him or going any further than socializing with my group.  I was happy for this fandom to inject some needed relief in my life. I could squee and be silly with a like-minded circle.  In a way, I was happy to feel light-hearted.  This group was similar in many ways to ArmitageWorld.

The chief instigator created a moderated mailing list, a place we could feel safe to chat about anything unmolested by internet trolls and unbalanced types.  List mom, as she came to be called, welcomed all forms of creative expression and it turned out we had quite a few talented writers and artists churning out fan fiction (both PG and erotic) amazing enough to be published.  We had paper newsletters and a digital magazine for which I wrote a short story for the first time in years. (That story is lost.)  This was fandom I’d never experienced; a safe group with whom I could feel connected and have fun.  The mailing list grew and flourished.  Meanwhile the IRC chat room also expanded exponentially after the convention.  We started role playing games on Saturdays.  For those who don’t know, we chose roles and then wildly ad libbed in real time mock episodes based on the old show.  Yes, hilarity did ensue as the cliche goes. (Remember this was social media before the advent of Twitter and Facebook.)  Some logs of these RPGs survive today.  Many of us have stayed connected. That was how things progressed for almost two years.

COMING SOON: The Fan Club Goes To The Next Level

 

Losing Armitage: Another View

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Courtesy of Richard Armitage Confessions

Servetus finished a four-part series answering a sentiment expressed by the confession on the left.  I also felt the confessor’s loss and wondered how the legacy fans will fare with the expected influx of new people after The Hobbit debuts.  Then I read Servetus’s series and her hypothesis that problems in this fandom occurred because it is too small.   I agree, but there’s a corollary: it’s also too callow.

My impression has been that the legacy fans were mostly older, educated, literary women who never experienced any other fandom, and therefore knew nothing about how such dynamics work.  They clamored over an actor relatively late to success who suddenly had fans.  Thrilled over finding each other, RA and his fans commenced a honeymoon, and proceeded to reinvent the wheel, as it were, just like any other new fandom the world over.  Then, Things Happened.  RA learned, like every other crush, that sending frequent missives and closely interacting with fans allowed some people to presuppose they have relationships with him, which created expectations and a certain sense of obligation and possessiveness, both of him and the entire fandom.  The entire fandom became the fans’ identities.  The squabbling and policing began.   So RA distanced himself.  People still point fingers over When RA Got Burned, but actually, it was bound to occur sooner or later.  There is no”if X and Y hadn’t happened, he would still be sending us silly messages.”  Nobody is to blame.  Human nature being what it is, social interactions will develop and evolve until an advantageous point for everybody concerned is reached.  RA had to withdraw to the point where he could maintain his own equanimity and still satisfy his fans.  Although it might feel differently to many here, there’s nothing unique or special about anything that happened then, or that other fans wanted to expanded their boundaries within the fandom now.  This is the common cycle of individual-based fandoms.  The problems have been that many lack perspective and self-awareness of their inexperience, magnified by being such a small group, as Servetus said.  For example, a lot of the extreme vehemence over the real person fiction topic would a) never happened or b) been dismissed, in a huge fandom like the Tolkien universe.  Have a pet peeve or like?; there’s a subset of a subgroup for that.  There’s a lower level of personal identity politics because the universe is so big and diverse.

Having been been a fan for almost two years (I use the term loosely because I’m more an observer) and coming from two major genre fandoms, I’ve sensed wistful longing for the good old days when RA dashed off frequent reports while sweltering in Hungary.  While I understand the sentiment of the confession, “will you look back at us the same way?,” I wonder if the author, as a legacy fan, still has not stopped grieving for the past.  If I read it to mean, “will you still think we (particularly the legacy fans) are special?,”  then generally speaking, I believe RA will always think all of his fans are special. After all, we have the good taste to pick him as a crush and support his career; he will always be grateful.  However, I suspect the confessor is really asking, “will you treat me the way that made me feel special?”  The answer is: no, he can’t because he understands the dangers of cultivating a sense of specialness that closer interaction engenders. I’ve no doubt he’ll think of the first fans fondly and gratefully, but those days are gone. In a way, that Armitage has been lost.   He has moved on to the next level, and so should we.

The influx of new fans from a big old fandom will be a shot in the arm for ArmitageWorld, and I welcome it.  Our little world has reached a point in development when it needs an infusion of new viewpoints and perspectives before it either stalls or squabbles itself to death.  We need new energy and vitality. We need broadening by more viewpoints.  Arguments and flamewars will never cease to exist because the potential for disagreement in groups is always present.  However, the dissension will attract less attention and acquire better perspective in a larger arena.  That’s not to say that a burgeoning fandom won’t bring new challenges.  But if this one is to mature and thrive, we have to let go of the lost Armitage and welcome  the new Armitage as he emerges.  I anticipate some fans will need to carefully assess whether to stay in ArmitageWorld. Maybe the influx of fans will change dynamics and affect personal tastes too much to stay.  Then we must wish them well, let them go and remember that things change.

Servetus ended her series by reminding us not to forget that we share RA as a focus when times get tough.  I would add one more thing: we also need to remember that RA has changed, is changing, and will continue to change as an actor and person.  To be content here, people will have to acknowledge and accept the evolution in both their fandom and their crush.  The confession makes me wonder whether some will find it easier accepting the former, than the latter.

 

 

 

You Decide

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This is a serious post.  There is no snark intended.

Snicker’s Mom just posted on her blog fears regarding the FL/KK situation buzzing around fandom for the past week.

As many of you may know, Fedoralady, a  journalist and photographer was set to attend Comic Con 2012,  having been hired for a gig by those associated with it.  Shortly before the convention, she was fired.

The following was posted on the IMBd board, a public forum, by Kiplingkat, who detailed how she contacted the convention people about Fedoralady and her reasons.  I’m offering this screencap without commentary. This is the original post.  Please click on it for a bigger image.  Draw your own conclusions.

Comments are closed.

 

 

Got Beard?

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Yes dear reader, I’m milking the beard thing for it’s worth, while awaiting Servetus’s final beard posts.  Then I’ll be forced to be thoughtful and erudite.  Until that time, on with the shallow!

I based yesterday’s post on a realization learned many years ago in another fandom.  This story isn’t part of the “Why RA?” series, per se, but it does involve Mr. Crush #2.  Way before Mr. Crush’s fan club imploded, he was our British darling, “the thinking woman’s crumpet.”  In his heyday, he possessed an ethereal beauty much more feminine than RA’s.  (While still a handsome man, that beauty faded with loss of youth).  Needless to say, the club appreciated his outer gifts.  A member sacrificed hours to compile a “Best of” video (told you this was long ago) from Mr. Crush’s work to show at an open-door fan club party during a big convention.  The video contained a bathroom scene in which his character reclined in a big claw-footed tub.  The scene focused on him quietly shaving and gazing into a small hand held mirror.

The video played in a loop as background noise during the party.  However, when that scene appeared, all the females in the room fell silent and watched each stroke of the blade, spellbound.  Truly, the slow action of his hand was almost hypnotic and terribly sexy.  A lone male peeked in and saw all eyes glued on the screen.  He stood in the back, baffled at all the “ohhhs” and “ahhs.”

“What’s going on?,” he asked.

We explained the video and that this was our favorite scene.

“What, SHAVING?”

His eyes widened in amazement as various fangirls remarked how sexy and a turn-on it was.

His face lit up like he’d just been imparted a carefully guarded female secret.

“Really?  Sexy?”

“Didn’t know that did you,” somebody smirked.

“Hey, looks like I need to find my girlfriend and shave!,” he grinned, and then darted out.

I’ve regarded a man shaving as quite sensuous, ever since that time.  I’d open the bathroom door while my ex shaved so I could watch.  He’d laugh, part self-consciously and part lasciviously.  He certainly didn’t object.

So, when I think of RA shaving his beard, well, can you blame me?

 

 

Why RA?:Part 7 – Why Blogs vs. Boards?

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[This post is not intended to be a comparison between which medium is superior, blogs or message boards. I’m not presenting laundry lists for or against either.   Until two weeks ago, I had not a clue there existed any bone of contention.   Instead I want to reiterate my opinion stated in the “Who Is A ‘Real’ Fan” post: that there are different types of fans who would prefer different media.]

A thread developed under that post regarding the merits of blogs versus message boards.  Because some people described having different preferences, one commentator said there was a “divide” between the two venues.  I don’t see why that should be the case.

As I stated in the post, there is no such thing as a ‘real’ fan.  Fans come with different opinions, experiences and outlooks.  The only that matters is their personal enjoyment in their object.  With such differences, it’s not unreasonable to expect that a fan might prefer one medium over another.  This does not mean that blogs are intrinsically better than boards or that boards are the way to go.  Saying there is a ‘divide” to me implies to me a certain disharmony between the two media, if a fan prefers one over the other.  Why can’t they exist side by side solely based on preference?

I’ve belonged to several message boards through my years in fandom.  They were a great source of information for crushes and before the internet explosion were, at times, the only medium available.  Then along came other media like blogs, tumblers, Twitter and Facebook and I had more choices.  Based on my personal experiences and idiosyncrasies, I decided that blogs fit me better, not because boards were bad, but because I felt more comfortable with the former.  I’m still a member of several forums although I rarely post.  I could list the reasons why I decided this, but that is irrelevant.  There is nothing wrong with switching from one medium to another (or back).  Finding something is a better fit does not imply there is something inherently wrong with the other choices.  It’s just my preference.  Tomorrow I could decide blogs don’t work for me and move on to something else.

What disturbs me is that RA fandom is small enough and doesn’t need to deal with perceptions that different media are either/or,  or superior/inferior, or in competition with each other.  A fan should be able to say “I don’t like medium#1 because of A, B and C, but like  medium #2 because of X,Y, and Z.”   It’s just a personal preference.  It doesn’t take away anything from medium #1 or prevent other people from seeking it out and making up their own minds.  RA fandom doesn’t need tribalism.  After all, the blogs, boards, tumblrs, etc, were all created for one purpose: to appreciate RA.  I think he would be sad if he knew there was any type of  “divide.”

Why RA?: Part 6 – Why Crush?

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So my last fandom lay in tatters, a ghost of its former self.  But it continued to limp along while I continued a growing disinterest.  I had a few brushes with potential crushes but no fandom in which I could actively participate.  Writing those words make me wonder: what is the purpose of any of these crushes?

Could it be as a boyfriend substitute? I don’t think of them as fantasy boyfriends and many fans have partners in their lives.  Could it be freedom from boredom?  A crush certainly creates a heightened level of interest in discovering the person and his work and a thrill in the newness of it all, but I can still become bored.  (Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.  Blasphemy, I know).  I don’t know about you, Dear Reader, but I can’t enthuse endlessly, any more than I can read or draw or write constantly.  It takes away some of the novelty.

Could it be to fill something missing in ourselves?  This could very well be in some fans, especially those who take their zeal to the disturbing stage.  I suspect if everything possible filled my life, I would still have room for fandoms, mainly because I enjoy the surrounding community so much.  With each group I’ve made friends (or learned how not to make friends) who have lasted over the years.  I’ve also gotten invaluable insight into human nature and diverse experiences I otherwise wouldn’t have encountered.  By the way, it’s ironic that if an object is the interest, it’s approved as a hobby; but if a person is the interest, it’s called a crush and treated warily.   It’s okay to love the Chicago Bears but it’s odd to adore Mr. or Ms. Crush.   When you think about it, everybody has some sort of interest or hobby, whether a sport, or craft, or show. This demarcation is a bit unfair.

Is it a culmination of experiences, perceptions, brain chemistry that is sparked by the crush’s appearance, voice, mannerisms and personality?  I suspect this is more the case.  There are actors who I like that just don’t do it for me.  Then there are those I’m at a loss to explain, especially in hindsight.  “There was just something about him at the time!” I look back on my former crushes and scratch my head.  Obviously there was something about them that worked for me at that point in time.  Sometimes I wonder if my crushes aren’t an evolving ideal of what I would like in a real life man, something like a safe virtual Ken doll who I can dress in different combinations of qualities.  Hopefully, my taste is getting better, not worse.

But I digress.  Flash forward a few years.  I’m watching a television show with two buddies.  The New Guy appears onscreen. (You all know who he is, but I’ll keep him incognito for continuity sake).   “Isn’t he cute?’ gushes one friend.  “He’s repulsive,” shudders the other.  “Meh,” I say.  I didn’t like him.  I continued to dislike him for several episodes right up to the minute he got a cute shot, and another, and another, and “oh, could he possible be cute?,” and then “oh, this guy can act!,” and then – I was a fledgling fan of Mr Crush #3.

 

Why RA?: Part 5 – Who’s A “Real” Fan?

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Last week, Servetus ran an interview for her Fan Showcase with the irrepressible Jane.  Jane is a fan known for her blunt but frank opinions regarding Richard Armitage, his roles and the direction of his career. She presents her views as one of an outsider.   She’s aware these opinions are not mainstream, and at times directly conflict with the majority of fandom.  I don’t agree with everything she says, but I respect her opinions and guts to stick by them.  The commentary was lively and interesting.  Unfortunately, the  post had to be closed because of ad hominen attacks.  I came away with a sense that some people saw Jane as hurtful to fandom and worse yet, not really a fan.

I find such attitudes disturbing.  A fandom is not a monolith.  We are all different people from different backgrounds, cultures, experiences, etc.  We are not a hive mind; we do not think alike.  So it stands to reason that there’s a a whole spectrum of fans and a broad definition of what it means to be one.  That the crush happens to be Richard Armitage doesn’t change that.

I agree with many of Jane’s core remarks.  I’m an outsider looking in as well.  I don’t subscribe to the idea that everything I say about RA must be 100% complimentary.  I see nothing wrong with criticizing a crush, or pointing out the Emperor is wearing no clothes if that’s true. I don’t think RA is the most special actor to ever come along; he is a very good actor with the potential to be exceptional. Whether he will prove to be so remains to be seen. I am a “polygamist,” in that I also admire another actor and think the same things about him as well.  I don’t believe everything he says, being mindful of the public persona he must present and the publicity machine of which he’s a part.  I don’t think my remarks mean one jot in the larger scheme of things, can “hurt” fandom in general or RA in particular, or that he need any protection.  I can embrace all of these views while still admiring and enjoying his work and respecting him as the person he present himself to be.  Oh, and he can take a bad picture.   Does that mean I’m not a “real” fan?  No, it just means my way of thinking about him may be different from the next person’s.

Last year, I received a private email from a commenter intrigued by this series.  She questioned whether there was room in fandom for people like her, who while admiring RA, did not necessarily agree with the consensus opinion.  I replied there should be room for everybody; there are different kinds of fans with a myriad of views who need to be heard and respected.  It makes for a richer, more interesting and mature fandom.  Happily, she started her own blog.

Yes, it’s possible to disagree, analyze, question and still be a fan.  Support and enthusiasm for a crush should not be measured by the degree others think a person should squee, gush, and go along with the program, but by that person’s own personal enjoyment.  Jane, although at times critical, gave quite some thought to her opinions.  Yet she still is an avid fan because her appreciation of RA continues. Likewise,  I have disagreed on my blog (albeit wrapped in snark and humor) but that does not diminish my appreciation.

So, there’s no such thing as a “real” fan.

 

Why RA?: Part 4 – Fandom Go BOOM

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I’ve gone over my old posts and had several weeks to think how to best articulate what happened next with Mr. Crush.  The last post described how the fan club enjoyed a boom and a sort of creative nirvana.  Things moved along swimmingly (always wanted to say that). Mr. Crush (and his wife) took a sporadic interest in the club.  We seemed to go from strength to strength as we traveled to London several more times to see him two more plays and lunch with him.  However, underneath it all, things were unraveling.

The reason why brings me to my first axiom of fandom: do not learn too much about your crush.

Crushing intrinsically carries a certain idealization of subject.  You know the person is human with foilbles just like yourself, there is still a sense that this person may be more special than the next.  When the veil between subject and fan is pierced,  the allure, the specialness dissipates in the face of the person’s frailities.

In our case, we got to know Mr. Crush all too well. He was not nasty or sarcastic or caustic like my previous crush.  Mr. Crush was an affable, likeable man but  two aspects of his personality wore down the inner circle of which I was a part.  First, he was a flake extraordinaire.  He wasn’t deliberately rude; he simply marched to the beat of different drummer.  When we flew to London for an arranged meeting with him, he stood us up, seemingly having forgotten about us. A few days later, he called  the organizer wondering where we were.  He arranged a Q &A on his own initiative and then failed to follow through.  He was so unreliable, he became a joke and an annoyance in the inner circle.  We didn’t tell the rest of the fans although they were aware that events seemed to evaporate. Personally, I was anNOYed.  I abhor a flake and would never have one for a friend.  But I enjoyed the cameraderie of the group.  The club continued, almost inspite of him and then two big things happened.

This brings me to the second axiom of fandom: know what qualities you can and cannot respect in a crush.  If certain qualities would leave you appalled,  it’s time to walk away.

Here is where the telling gets tricky.  Let’s just say that Mr. Crush, who touted himself a family man, made an unwise choice at a convention which led a few of us to surmise that he was being indiscrete.  A short time later, his wife venting her spleen on Facebook indirectly confirmed our suspicions.  Our club blew  up.  Those who had not twigged were either deeply shocked and left, or sad but resigned.  Personally, I had lost interest over the flakiness but the cheating was beyond the pale for me.  Ordinarily I consider a person’s private life private.  But once I learn things, I cannot un-know them.  I cannot condone partner beaters, serial cheaters, bigots, and child molesters to name a few, and cannot admire a person I cannot respect.  I could no longer respect Mr. Crush although what he did privately was his own business.

The inner circle was done too.  The club limped along for a long time before the listmom jokingly changed its name.  The list still exists today but only as token to the past I suspect.  Somebody might post once in a blue moon. Upon reflection, it is likely things might not have disintegrated had we kept ourselves blissfully ignorant, more detached and not known Mr. Crush as well as we did.  But then again, who knows.  Today, I dig just enough to discover whether a person is worthy of admiration (i.e. not a creep as listed above) and stop.  As for the rest, I don’t need to know or want to know.  I prefer the fan innocence.  After all, my purpose in fandom is to have fun.

 

Why RA?: Part 3 – We’re Moving On Up

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[I’m telling this story because it represents my background in fandom spanning a period of almost 20 years.  All observations and opinions stated are mine alone. This post has been months in the making because it’s been so difficult to articulate and pen.   It’s important to know this background so Dear Reader can understand upon what basis I attempt to answer the question of various bloggers in Armitage World: Why Richard Armitage?  This series will be posted sporadically as my thoughts gel.  Here are Part 1 and Part 2.]

In early 1998, we learned that Mr. Crush would be appearing in play staged in a small experimental theater.  British members formed an advance team and attended an early performance.  They approached him and told him about our club.  He was friendly and shared a drink with them.  After much brouhaha, 13 of us from the US, Canada and UK journeyed to London to see the play on 8 days notice.  If you can imagine the logistics of the situation, it was an exciting but crazy thing to do.  The play was indeed in a small venue.  I sat in the first row; I could have tripped him had I stuck out my foot.  The intimacy of the theater coupled with it being over a bar helped in arranging a meeting between Mr. Crush and us.  By that time, he knew we were an older mature bunch who would be respectful and polite.  He was flummoxed we would fly across the pond to see him and was quite gracious in spending the rest of the evening with us.  It was a lovely experience plus we got to meet each other, many for the first time.

The high continued upon our return.  Mr. Crush’s wife acted as intermediary with designated members and were eventually recognized as an official fan club. List mom set up a website.  The group continued to grow.  More fanfic and art poured forth on our mailing list.  (The contained aspect of the list made it quite nurturing, something I’ll discuss in another post.)  Over the next several years, a few of us journeyed to see him again in a bigger production, and a film premiere in Toronto.  We also organized a mini two day convention for ourselves also  in Toronto.  A small contingent began a yearly tradition of attending the Shakespeare Festival in Stratford, Ontario.  A few formed close friendships had get-togethers in different cities.  In 1999, I averaged a trip every other month.

That’s not to say things were perfect in the club.  Periodically we had interesting types join who did not fit in with the club’s laid back approach and they eventually had to be eased out.  We had flame wars break about about twice a year usually during the heat of summer or the dead of winter precipitated by personal issues which List Mom decisively doused.  We had personal crises with appeals and fundraisers for very serious situations.  Overall, it was a pretty cohesive group within.  Then problems started without.

NEXT: All good things must come to an end

Why RA?: Part 2 – Looking for Mr. Goodcrush

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[I’m telling this story because it represents my background in fandom spanning a period of almost 20 years.  All observations and opinions stated are mine alone. This post has been months in the making because it’s been so difficult to articulate and pen.   It’s important to know this background so Dear Reader can understand upon what basis I attempt to answer the question of various bloggers in Armitage World: Why Richard Armitage?  This series will be posted sporadically as my thoughts gel.  Part 1 is here.]

Flash forward a few years.  I’d been out of fandom awhile and wasn’t looking for a new one.  Then while cruising the internet in 1996, I came across some stunning information about a defunct television show of which I’d been a fan much earlier.  There was a following for this show but the idea of get-togethers to watch episodes didn’t appeal.  So I had nobody with whom to share my enjoyment of this show except my parents who thought I was nuts.  When I came upon the tidbit that the show was rebooting, I knew there had to be others on the internet talking about this.  So I went back to AOHell, and found a forum pointing to an IRC chat room.  I’d never been in real geek chat room and the relative ease of use make chatting much more enjoyable. (This is on which the ArmitageWorld chat room is based.)  I found a small international group of men and women ranging from high school to Older Than Me.  Joy!

When the show finally televised its first episode in 15 years, we held a group viewing which to my surprise was a lot of fun.  The reboot flopped but the chat room continued.  This group had  been attending the national convention for this show in my city every Thanksgiving weekend for the past several years. I’d heard of this con, but the idea of grown people dressing up as characters made me wary.  Two people I’d met in chat convinced me to room with them and attend the con, reassuring me I’d have a blast.  Considering my past experience, I wasn’t keen on meeting virtual friends. What would these people be like?  I’d taken care this time to gauge their personalities and propensities but had I assessed correctly?

fandom chart

I was thisclose to not going but reasoned that since I lived in the same city, I could always go home.  So I packed and journeyed out to the boonies.  As soon as the two entered the room and gave me such radiant smiles, I instantly knew these women were as intelligent, sane, and friendly as they seemed online.  Everything would be alright.  We’ve been best friends for 15 years.  I met many more friends at the con which was a blast as promised. There wasn’t an ax murderer in the bunch.  The fans ran the gamut from grounded to suspect but I learned with cautious inquiries and observation, I could find a group that was a good fit for me.  One of the biggest things I enjoyed was the camaraderie and fun, things I had been looking for all along.

As luck would have it, I was in the inner circle of a fan club which sprang up around the star of the reboot. He was a British actor moderately popular in the UK but unknown elsewhere. From what we heard, the new Mr. Crush was a hard working, pleasant but very private married family man.  He was shy, charming, quietly intelligent with a sense of humor that wasn’t caustic.  He was also a good actor and quite good looking to boot.  He seemed like a safe bet.  I shared this assessment with a circle older, more mature fans who were grounded in their own lives, many of whom has been involved in other fandoms.

On the fandom scale, I was less than “hard core” but more than average. I’m not sure why I’ve never progressed to hard core in any fandom; maybe it’s my personality or Winston’s constant interference but I seem immune.  In any event, Mr. Crush appeared a good focus of my admiration.  Due to my past experience, I entertained no ideas about meeting him or going any further than socializing with my group.  I was happy for this fandom to inject some needed relief in my life. I could squee and be silly with a like-minded circle.  In a way, I was happy to feel light-hearted.  This group was similar in many ways to ArmitageWorld.

The chief instigator created a moderated mailing list, a place we could feel safe to chat about anything unmolested by internet trolls and unbalanced types.  List mom, as she came to be called, welcomed all forms of creative expression and it turned out we had quite a few talented writers and artists churning out fan fiction (both PG and erotic) amazing enough to be published.  We had paper newsletters and a digital magazine for which I wrote a short story for the first time in years. (That story is lost.)  This was fandom I’d never experienced; a safe group with whom I could feel connected and have fun.  The mailing list grew and flourished.  Meanwhile the IRC chat room also expanded exponentially after the convention.  We started role playing games on Saturdays.  For those who don’t know, we chose roles and then wildly ad libbed in real time mock episodes based on the old show.  Yes, hilarity did ensue as the cliche goes. (Remember this was social media before the advent of Twitter and Facebook.)  Some logs of these RPGs survive today.  Many of us have stayed connected. That was how things progressed for almost two years.

COMING SOON: The Fan Club Goes To The Next Level

Why RA?: Part 1 – Are You Sitting Comfortably?

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[I’m telling this story because it represents my background in fandom spanning a period of almost 20 years.  All observations and opinions stated are mine alone. This post has been month in the making because it’s been so difficult to articulate and pen.   It’s important to know this background so Dear Reader can understand upon what basis I attempt to answer the question of various bloggers in Armitage World: Why Richard Armitage?]

Are you sitting comfortably?  Then I’ll begin.

fandom-by-the-crayola-of-doodahWay back in the early 1990’s, I was involved in a major fandom. I was in my early 30s who had just left a bad long term relationship. I was still a bit naive and callow and frankly, not happy with my life.  I found a group (let’s call them Alice, Bea, CeeCee, and Daria) of what I thought to be like-mind fun women in a forum on AOL. (There might have been a few more of us, but these are the ones I remember).  Anyway, AOL was not so fondly called AOHell because lasting through the long connecting handshake and reaching the forum was a labor of love in the days of 4800 baud dial-up. This fandom surrounded a show that became a major convention industry.

Our group focused upon one actor on the show known to have an extremely dry sarcastic sense of humor.  We decided, sight unseen, to attend a convention in San Diego and meet.  It was a big affair and many of us had never attended such an event.  It was a beautiful city with fantastic weather and we all enjoyed the adventure of it all.  The actor was funny and in his element onstage.  The audience was not disappointed.   My job didn’t send me to industry conventions, so I thought this was a wonderful excuse to travel,  make friends and see new places.  I was terribly green and unschooled in the ways and personalities of fandom.  I’d never traveled before to see any celebrity, so it felt quite weird and daring.  It was a chance to get together, and be giggly, girlish and silly, a stage I missed out in my adolescence.  It wasn’t my first actor crush but it was the first I had ever actively shared with any one else. I don’t recall having any expectations of the actor aside from wondering how he looked in person and how he would present himself out of character.  At such a large event, I didn’t even expect to get an autograph or attempt it.   I perceived no “relationship” to him apart from being a fan which was a distant abstract concept to me and I was content to stay that way indefinitely.

It never occurred to me to examine some of my travel mates more closely or even the actor himself.  I assumed our only motivation was to have a good wholesome time because that was my mindset.  That brings to mind the old legal adage, “to assume, is to make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’.”  As I said, I was naive.

fandomI was late joining the group and therefore didn’t know that a history already existed between Daria and the actor. She was a nice,  sweet, very unassuming woman who was something of a door mouse.  She was on a first name basis with Mr. Crush who knew her on sight. I was aware she’s lost a great deal of weight but not that she did it to impress him.  She lavished him with expensive presents but lived hand to mouth in garage back of her parents’ home while she toiled in a low paying job.  All of this information came out as we met from time periodically for the conventions.  After awhile the thrill of traveling receded and I could see the dynamics of this group.  Of the five of us, Bea and I were there for the camaraderie; Alice and CeeCee seemed to teeter on taking all this too seriously and Daria was disturbingly intense.

As my awareness of the dynamics grew, I became more uncomfortable as was Bea.  Things came to ahead when we traveled to be in the audience of a radio program starring Mr. Crush.  This was the first time I’d had a chance to have a one-one encounter with him.  Some in the group was thrilled about this and seemed a bit too in earnest in their pursuit of his attention which I found crossing the line.  On the fateful evening, Daria, Alice and CeeCee waylaid him in the corridor of the hotel.  From what I could see he was smiling and comfortable, so Bea and I approached.  As I stated, he has a very dry sarcastic personality, but in that moment something in his demeanor indicated that he was actually laughing at us.  I don’t know if I was being overly sensitive;  but life had taught me to recognize veiled contempt when I saw it. Maybe that’s not what he intended to exude but that’s how it felt.  I was turned off.  The three were clueless but the two of us were DONE with the whole thing. It was as if I’d taken a step outside myself and viewed the situation with a cold objective eye.  My fangurling dropped away.   I was disturbed by the trio, by me even being there and mostly by this actor. In a flash, I wondered what kind of man he really was and whether he was the type of person I should admire.  I recall thinking, “maybe it’s not a good thing to get too close.  Just who the hell is this guy?”  The group broke up shortly afterwards.

My fandom isAs far as I know, the trio are still fans, 18 years later.  I saw Alice on Facebook two years ago talking about seeing him in a play.  We don’t know if Daria was still hoping to be noticed.  We lost contact with CeeCee.  Bea confided a few months after the breakup she had similar misgivings.

I came away from the group a bit more savvy about fandom dynamics and with whom I should associate before jumping into a situation.  I also became aware that the object of my crush might not be who he seems but that I can never really know who exists behind that public persona.  Although I felt a bit more experienced, it turned out I still had a lot learn from my next fandom.

So what about you Dear Reader?  Were you part of fandom before Armitage World?  Is this fandom new to you?  Please feel free to share your stories.

 

On Meeting Yet Another Fan

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Airscape

Michigan countryside

This past weekend I headed out of town to visit one of my buddies, Elsa (she of the Trina, Elsa, and me trio of 15 years and counting.  She’s also Patty’s godmother.)  Elsa snagged a day off and I seized the opportunity to head to the suburbs for some autumn fun. City girl that I am,  I’ve never done any of the fall activities like picking apples in orchards, going on hay rides, carving pumpkins or seeing a cider mill.  Elsa offered to take me to Blake’s Farm and Yates Cider Mill.   It just so happened that Dhana (she of ArmitageWorld) also lives in the same area.  We arranged to meet for Sunday dinner, then sight see at Yates.

As luck would have it, my travel mojo was *still* broken.  Everything that could happen did: I forgot my phone and had to retrieve it; the train was late then sat on the tracks; TSA decided to hold up the security line, etc.  I missed my plane.  But I got a ticket for the next one.  However the delay made it too late to visit the orchard. So Elsa and I met with her brother and his SO at Famous Dave’s.  I have no clue if this franchise is in Chicago, but it’s a great place for BBQ done the right way, slow cooked with smokey flavor.  The desserts were heavenly (Be sure and try the bread pudding or Kahlua chocolate brownie.  Mmm.)

Beef stew

Carbonado en Zapalla

Dhana’s travel mojo worked just fine.  She bravely drove to Elsa’s house, risking the possibilities we were either ax murderers or would have made her watch the entire tenure of David Tennant in Doctor Who.  (Well, I might have done the latter but we didn’t have enough time.)  She told me she wasn’t troubled due to experience in meeting members of her quilting group.  Dhana sews gorgeous quilts by the way.  Dhana is a lovely woman; she is soft-spoken but friendly.  She’s also not as quiet as she thinks she is. (I’m looking at you, Dhana.). She showed more of her arts and crafts talents: little converted figurines.  She’s transforming RA action figures into other characters and doing quite an amazing job.

I admit to not being concerned as well.  Like her, I’m also an old hand at meeting strangers from fandoms and most of them have been good experiences.  Meeting Servetus was more daunting because I had to travel alone to a strange city and it would just be her and me.  Here, I was on familiar turf with friends.  Dhana definitely had the riskier task. Also, since I earlier had gotten the issue of race out of the way by discussing it on my blog, I didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Apple tart

Apple Tart

Sunday dinner was amazing.  Elsa loves to cook (she gets upset if she doesn’t get to cook when she visits) and she opted to cook Carbonado en Zapallo , beef stew in a pumpkin.  It’s a South American dish that is both slightly sweet and spicy.  The ending flourish is cooking the stew the last hour inside a pumpkin and serving it that way.  It was a great presentation and an excellent stew.  It was so good that I want to make it myself which will be a minor miracle.  Dessert was a scrumptious homemade apple custard torte.  Every bit of it was gone by the time I left for home.

Conversation was an interesting experience:  Elsa was from Doctor Who fandom, Dhana, from AW, and Tom and Ardath from none.  I was the only one who linked all of them.  What do you talk about when one doesn’t know anything much (or at all) about the other?  I felt like Oprah.  Happily all the guests didn’t have much trouble finding common ground and the chat went smoothly.

Yates Cider Mill

Yates Cider Mill

After dinner, we waddled to our cars to drove to Yates Cider Mill.  Elsa and Dhana tell me it used to be in the country but urban sprawl has caught up to it.  However it’s located next to a city park that looks like a forest preserve so the area was still woodsy.  The mill is what I had expected: a large barn straddling a stream with a giant wheel.  The wheel has been turning every season since 1863.  The building itself is smaller than expected.  It’s still a working mill; workers moved the huge press which churned out pure unpasteurized apple juice.  The building also contained a store where you can purchase anything made from apples: cider, donuts, turnovers, pies, and caramel apples.  The mill’s grounds  were quite crowded with both people and their four legged friends.  I’ve never seen so many dogs in one place.  So, I was happy camper, sipping cider, eating donuts and chatting with Elsa and Dhana.  (Winston was back at the house, being cowered by Ollie and Floyd, Elsa’s Jack Russel terrier and black Labrador.)  Finally we bid Dhana adieu and later went to see The Debt with Dame Helen Mirren.

Overall, it was a lovely weekend. My Master Plan proceeds apace.  Oh, you don’t know about my Master Plan?  Alright, I suppose I’ll have to tell – in another blog post.

Judi and Dhana

The unveiling: me (l) and Dhana (r)

 

 

The Genesis of Perving [Warning: NSFW]

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A anthropology student alerted me to the following tweet posted on allthingsrarmitage:

“Callipygian is a word coined by the ancient Greeks (‘kallipygos’) that means ‘having beautiful buttocks.” This picture was associated with that reference:

ultimate force arse shot

A nice example of beautiful buttocks. Courtesy RichardArmitageNet.com

This screen capture is of course Richard Armitage in Ultimate Force.  Ancient Greeks would say he is quite callipygian.  Now this type of talk in the modern age raises protests of objectification.  My question is: why does that have to be so?

Ancient antiquity has always depicted nude image and statues of the human form.

nudes

(l) Greek male nude (r) Replica of nude male wrestlers. Both quite nude. Courtesy of Greek Museum Authority

The human form has always been considered a source of nature beauty, sculpted and painted for ages.  It’s certainly safe to say that because artists could not take actual human being and freeze them in time, they froze them through other media.  The following picture of Michelangelo’s “David,” sculpted circa 1501, is considered a masterpiece:

michelangelo david

Michelangelo's "David." Courtesy of Galleria dell'Accademia, Florence

Millions of tourists flock to see this statue.  Nobody would say (other than the must repressed prurient type) that it’s improper to admire and even study this work of art.  People would certainly say “David” is callipygian even though it’s an idealized medieval depiction of a human male.  Nobody could convincingly argue that Michelangelo objectified the human form unless they believe that all nudity is inappropriate.  Since that’s not my premise, I won’t answer that argument since it takes us down the road of morality and personal taste which I’m not discussing here.

So why do fans become uncomfortable when viewing this picture?  It caused quite a stir when first published:

RA as Lucas festooned in tatoos

Richard Armitage as Lucas festooned in tattoos. Would you say this form isn't view-worthy? Courtesy RichardArmitageNet.com

I observe similar lines and muscles depicted in the idealized statues.  If fact, the real human form is more beautiful because it shows the real flawed form, not simply an idealization.  Does viewing his form suddenly become objectification because he’s a living man?  Is it improper to also say he’s callipygian here?  I argue no.

Sexual objectification arises when a person is viewed as an sexual object or only as one. I have yet to find any fan forum where RA’s artistry and personality isn’t also discussed in detail.  He is not seen solely as an object of lust.  However, it’s self-delusional to say that he shouldn’t be viewed as the sexy man he is.  Human beings are sexual creatures; this is how we have the drive to reproduce our species (or not, as the case may be).  We are hard-wired to perv each other. We sexually objectify each other to a degree on an instinctual level.  We view the human form as desirable and have since probably cave man times.   This form has been frankly depicted since antiquity.  The fact that the modern media makes it possible to photograph the human form in real time doesn’t change anything.

I’m always amused when women protest the loudest that men should not be objectified because it implies a hypocrisy in protesting against female objectification.  I have problems with female objectification only to the extent that it’s used for exploitation.  When that’s not the case, I have no issue if Halle Berry’s fans consider her the epitome of beauty.  Conversely I have no problem with male objectification and feel no shame and admiring male beauty. Is RA being exploited?  He is a grown man who made informed choices to appear in roles requiring undress.  I don’t believe it’s for us to question his judgment as to whether that undress was integral to the story or gratuitous.  I’m comfortable respecting his decisions as to whether he considers himself exploited or not. I can safely assume he would not take a role he deemed exploitative. Even if he did, it was still his decision.  So, I feel free to say that RA’s is callipygian in particular and gorgeous in general without any need to justify.

Here’s an absolutely callipygian screen cap:

Between the Sheets

Richard Armitage as Paul in Between the Sheets. Callipygian, no? My screen cap.

RA arse shot

Very callipygian. Yes? Richard Armitage as Lucas North. Donated artistic screen cap.

 

What, no? Does it really make a difference that this is a screen cap of a real man playing a fictional role in a fictional series?  What if RA decided to pose nude as himself?  I don’t think this picture is less worthy of being admired than if a sculptor made an approved marble statue of his bum or his body and placed it in a museum.  As a straight sexual female, I will admire his body no matter what form it took.

I’m amused every time the objectification issue arises.  When the above tatted picture surfaced, fans drooled but always rushed to add they also admired RA’s work and personality lest they be accused of objectification, although this was understood by everybody.  I find all this protestation unnecessary.  It’s time to drop that veil of political correctness and just be honest as fans.  We like to look up RA’s form because it’s beautiful and desirable.

Just say so.  Period. We understand the rest.

 

 

London and Me or Play It Again Sam Part 8

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[This post is reconstructed from semi-coherent posts and tweets on Facebook and Twitter.  Social medial experts call it microblogging.  I call it leaving a trail to remember I was there.   If you forgot who or what Winston is, click here.  If you want to read past installments click here.]

June 26

11:00 AM

There’s not much time to be a tourist today; I have a matinee performance of Much Ado and an evening staging of Butley.  Exhaustion is catching up with me.  So after a breakfast becoming more Continental than English, I opt to stay in and relax as much as I can on the sloping bed.  I doze off and dream.

*****

black pug

Winston wonders when the good times will roll. Courtesy of Uglyduckling on Deviant Art

I’m vaguely aware of a soft cold nose nudging me.  It’s Winston again.  Only he’s being stroked by flashy grinning version of myself.  It’s Jodi. As a child, I called Jodi the evil twin I wish I had.  As an adult I realize she’s my id, according to good ole Sigmund, one of the three parts of my psyche- id, ego, and super ego.  (It’s good to read a lot of psychology.)  Usually it’s Jada, the super ego, who does all the thinking and talking.  But ever since Winston discovered Happy Pills, Jodi has had more to say.  Knowing pleasure loving uninhibited Jodi, this is probably not good.

“Ah, sleeping beauty finally awakes,” says Jodi.

Winston drools.

Jada is as practical as ever.  “She really does need her rest. Don’t want to get sick do we?

“Yes, but look at the missed opportunities.  We could be shopping on High Street or at least finding Lords of the North!

I hate when theses chats happen as if I’m not here.  “Look, you weren’t awake for almost two days and sleeping on a bed that feels like it might tip over.  And stop spoiling that dog!”

Jodi flops Winston on his back and rubs his belly.  “Oh, but he’s such a cutie.”

Winston snorts in delight.

“He’s a cute horror. *You* don’t have to deal with him.  What are you guys doing out anyway?”

Jada begins. “We do need to talk about Winston.”

Jodi protests.  “What,  here, in London?”

Jada begins again. “We need to plan-”

Jodi interrupts. “We need to plan what we’re doing tonight.  Evening performance. Saturday night.  A night on the town… ”   She wiggles her hips. “There’s a club next to Hagen Daz in Leicester Square.  You saw last night.  Looked like where the beautiful people in black go. And there were some sexy guys…”

Jada pales.  “We didn’t come prepared for that – sort of thing.”

Jodi grins. “Oh, you even remember what that – sort of thing- is?”

I laugh.  “Beautiful? Well that leaves me out.”

Jodi is not phased. “You should have brought that little black dress.  It’s not too late to hit Marks & Spencer and buy another one.”

“C’mon, I’m really tired.”

Another voice pipes up.  “Yeah, me too.”

Winston sits up.

Oh.  I haven’t heard that voice in a while.  The three of us turn to look at a figure sitting in the shadowy corner.  I peer harder since I’ve never actually seen her.  She’s a younger version of me, much younger than expected, perhaps twenty years.  Oh my, she seems to be lagging behind.  She’s the third element of my psyche, the ego.  She rarely talks so we call her Quiet One.

“I think we should rest and take care of Winston.  We have two shows to sit through so let’s just plan where to eat and take it easy.”

The three of us gape.  That’s the most she’s said in a long time.

Jada coos.  “Hello dear.  That makes a lot of sense.”

Jodi sags.  “Well, she speaks and I’m voted down, naturally.”

I smile. “Good to see you.”

Quiet One smiles back.  “It’s good to be here.  Really.”

Jodi teases. “Oh, we *are* feeling good, aren’t we?”

Winston huffs.

*****

DT and CT in Much Ado

DT knows the good time are rolling.

I awake feeling a bit more refreshed. Winston whines it’s time for lunch so we head back to Leicester Square. There’s an Italian franchise restaurant with a 10% off tourist coupon.  Good enough for me. Finally back at the theater, on time and with a hearing device, I attend the matinee performance of Much Ado. I’m again shocked to find my seat in the 4th row a little off center.  Did Mr. Awesome give me another lottery ticket?  I can’t think enough kind thoughts about that man.  David Tennant is still in fine form although the afternoon audience seems a bit subdued.  He soldiers on and I’m not disappointed.  The audience peps up enough to give the ensemble three curtain calls.

4:50 PM

I debate heading to the backstage door even as I find my feet taking me there.  Lo and behold I locate a spot only three people deep and slide in.  I’ve already gotten footage for his fan club so there’s no purpose to being there except to get his autograph.  However I already got that hard won signature after his Stratford performance as Hamlet in 2008.  What do to? I notice I’m a bit taller than most of the people around me.  I am considered tall but seriously, this crowd is short.  Catherine Tate makes her way around the cordoned area and I impulsively hold out my program over everybody’s heads.  She immediately grabs and signs it.  Cool!

Well, should I go for a matched pair?  DT follows behind Tate and the crowd gets a bit wilder.  He smiles and chats and dives down for photo ops with a child.  He’s nearly in front of me and again stoops for a child.  A handler whispers it’s time to go in.  What the hell.  I shoot my arm out just as he rises.  Tall DT grabs the program from tall me and signs.  He turns to go.  He’s done.  Groans erupt around me.  I walk away grinning like a fool.

Winston chuffs.

Jodi is jubilant.  “SCORE!”

Jada tuts. “You should have allowed somebody else to get that you know.”

“But I wanted a matched pair!”

Quiet One laughs.  “Still that was cool.”

Jada isn’t finished. “You already have  one, why do you need two?”

“Awww, oh c’mon!   Jada, you’re really no fun.”

Winston snorfles.

Quiet One compromises.  “Look, why don’t you got back to the stage door. If you don’t see a needy child to give the program, then you can keep it. Okay?”

I don’t and keep it.

WIN.

 

7:30 PM

 

http://www.jagrant.com/chat/

Paul McGann remembers when the good times rolled.

Still filled with joy from the DT caper, I set out for the Duchess Theatre to see Dominic West in Butley.  Actually, I’m seeing an old crush, Paul McGann in the cast for old time’s sake.  My paper maps fail me as I can’t make out the odd side streets of this part of the West End.  I wander in circles until finally remembering to use Google GPS to find the damn place.  Butley it turns out is a two act biting comedy written by Simon Gray.  Butley is a washed up professor at a college who signals his disillusionment by being a slob, profligate and total bully.  Paul McGann plays Reg Nutall, the closeted boyfriend of Butley’s much abused closeted protege, Joseph Keyston.  Reg is a guy who doesn’t take abuse lightly and sees right through Butley.  PM plays him smooth, calculating and tough. It was a good performance and worth the ticket.

Almost immediately I realize I can’t hear the actors from my seat near the back. Winston stirs and sticks his head up in interest.  I approach the head usher at intermission and ask for a hearing device.  Let’s call him Mr. Nice.

Mr. Nice: I’m sorry but this theater wasn’t outfitted for hearing devices.  That is a problem.

Winston: Ruh roh.

Me: *crestfallen and about to ask for my money back*  Oh, so there’s nothing you can do?

Mr. N:  *thinking*  Come back to me after intermission is over.

Winston: Rawr?

After intermission.

Me:  I’m back.

Mr. N:  Follow me.

Mr. Nice take me down to the front row and whispers to a patron to move his stuff from a spare seat.  The man looks a little affronted.

Mr. N: This is her seat please.

Me: Thank you.

Winston sighs in disappointment

From that point on, I could hear the actors just fine;  they are right there.

I sit inwardly smiling.  Maybe I should find how to get an Irish Sweepstakes ticket.  Does that still exist?

On Meeting A Fellow Fan: the Other Fan

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Yesterday Servetus posted about meeting a fellow fan on Saturday but mentioned no name.

I’m the mystery fellow fan.

She wrote in a circumspect manner so that I could decide whether to blog or not.  My hesitation wasn’t due to Servetus, she’s exactly the way she seemed otherwise:  intelligent, accomplished, perceptive, funny, empathetic, engaging and approachable. Part of my reluctance was because I felt unable to legitimately talk about our meeting without talking about past experiences. I stated in an earlier post that fandom was one of this blog’s topics.  It’s turned out to be a tricky and touchy subject to discuss and it’s hard to decide where to begin. This is as good a point as any.

When Servetus first suggested meeting, I was surprised but enthusiastic. I’ve met many people, over the years in Star Trek and then most significantly, Doctor Who fandom, both collectively at conventions and separately.  Generally it’s been a positive experience.  Two people I met through DW are still my best friends 15 later.  Many from DW fandom follow each other on Facebook.  I met up with friends in London last month with whom I have kept in touch with on Twitter and it was if I’d just seen them last year. Passion for the show has waxed and waned but people still remain friends.  I’m connected to a nice circle of people for such disparate backgrounds and countries.  We are diverse but like-minded in valuing respect, equality, common decency, debate and civility. When the chips are done, we have supported and defended each other against those who violate those values.  Everybody can vouch for each other (or find somebody who can); it’s a safe circle. And it all started on the internet, with nobody knowing each other in real life.  I particularly appreciate this safety because it’s kept me insulated from certain unpleasantness.

After Servetus and I agreed to meet, I was excited that we were part of the first group in ArmitageWorld to cross the boundary from virtual to real life.  We were ArmitageWorld pioneers who would meet each other then two more and they would meet two more and so on and so on, just like that old shampoo commercial.  Then I remembered nobody had ever seen me in this fandom and an ugly old potential problem reared it’s head: racism.  I’m African-American.  In an ideal world that shouldn’t matter but on two occasions it shockingly mattered, once before they ever met me, the other long after.  To say I was stunned is an understatement and since then I’ve been acutely conscious that internet anonymity is a double edged sword.  It can afford the freedom to explore oneself but it can also conceal.  My circle rallied to me and gave those two hell but still I was hurt.

So I addressed the issue directly with Servetus.  She was at first flippant (hope you don’t mind I’m white!), reassuring, then concerned which turned to dismay and sadness when I explained I didn’t suspect her of bigotry; I simply needed to clear the air to avoid any ugly surprises.  This is the world in which I live, the mythical post-racial America. It’s a problem not likely to go away in my lifetime.

stock vector peopleAs I said earlier, my fandom experiences have been mostly positive.  I enjoy virtual friendships and getting to know people online.  However as Servetus blogged about identity, I can only see the face a person presents to the world, the public persona.  I can gauge and assess what a person’s true persona might be to a degree, if they are not hiding behind a mask, but it’s not until I cross the boundary from virtual to reality and actually  interact with and observe that person’s expressions, gestures, demeanor, personality, and attitude that I can lay a foundation for a meaningful lasting friendship.  I noticed on Servetus’s blog that other fans are suggesting doing the same.  I heartily encourage this.  The virtual world and the internet have its uses, but crossing into real life is priceless.

 

Christchurch Addendum

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Just learned via carrier pigeon about RA’s surprise message this morning. Access is slow here but I’m sure it’s being discussed at length on other blogs. It was lovely of him to acknowledge us. Although our aim was to help the people of Christchurch, I’m sure he’s proud of us indeed.

This is a good time to pause and take pride in our community. I’m impressed with the speed, time, and generosity this community showed in banding together for this worthy cause. Congrats to all who contributed. Congrats to RAFrenz and company who kept the Twitter feeds flying. Congrats to Calexora for the cello challenge. Lastly, congrats to Servetus, who initiated the informal fan challenge and without whom we wouldn’t have known about the telethon in the first place.

Why RA?: A Preface

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As an offshoot of yesterday’s entry, I’ve been composing in my head several posts about stages of fandom and where I fit in that spectrum. Due to the wonky reply problem, I received an email that clarified for me the levels and transitions happening in ArmitageWorld.  It also reminded me this blog was created to talk about my experiences in fandom in general in order to specifically discuss the burning question of several other blogs like Servetus’s and Frenz’s: why this particular fascination with this particular actor and should they be concerned? The short answer may startle and therefore probably isn’t helpful.  The long answer might enlighten but I need to take the reader through where I’ve been before explaining what I see now.

I have a partial draft composed in January when I first started the blog.  I’m finding it difficult to put my fandom experiences to paper because I’ve never done it before, and discussing the dynamics isn’t something fans usually like to dwell upon. It feels all at once terribly personal and slightly surreal.  Things can be misinterpreted and misunderstood in the telling.  So posts on this topic will require a great deal more thought and time than previous entries.  My approach might not be as erudite, but I’ll give it my best shot.

Meanwhile here is a screencap of RA playing Monet who was fortunate enough to acquire fans in his lifetime.

Monet before he got the squirrel thing going

RA as Claude Monet, The Impressionists, Courtesy Richardarmitagecentral.co.uk