Voices murmur. The living room remains devoid of holiday decorations. I remain in the den, feverishly tapping away on my laptop, dreaming of Francois the tuxedo. Patty the Pom pecks away before the fireplace on her Dogtop, writing her memoirs.
Jodi stares at Jada in disbelief. “Are you serious???”
Jada nods primly.
Quiet One shrugs, munching on the popcorn.
Fangurl bustles about setting up.
Jodi shakes hear. “Really? So Thorin doesn’t get it on with Galadriel in the movie?
Jada sighs in exasperation. “I said, no!”
Jodi frowns. “So what’s the point of an elven model if she doesn’t do THE sexy dwarf?!”
Quiet One snickers.
Fangurl calls out brightly. “JUDI! C’mon, I’ve had these memories set up for days!”
I drag in from the den. There’s just been too much to do. There’s the Christmas shopping and socializing to complete, not to mention coverage of this insane Hobbit tour blitz. I sink onto the sofa, glancing curiously at Patty’s Dogtop. She snaps it shut. Well. I finally notice the wide screen memory screen. All faces look at me expectantly. Oh we’re doing this live? Fiiiine.
I clear my throat. “Hello Dear Reader. Welcome to my coverage of the Anderson Live taping I attended Tuesday during my whirlwind 12 hour trip to NYC. Unfortunately I got only about 3 hours of sleep before, so my recollection of the taping has been a little hazy. However, Inner Fangurl remembers, and she’s offered to help narrate, as long as she can co-host.”
Fangurl cheers. “I’m FREEEEEEEEEE!”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Now, we agreed…”
Fangurl smiles sweetly. “Okaaaay. Hey, ‘sup posse!”
I clear my throat again. It’s so dry. “Joining us in the peanut gallery is my personality trio: id, superego, and ego, Jodi, Jada, and Quiet One. You’ve met them in past blog posts. Oh, and my Pomeranian Patty.”
Jodi waves. “We got Sexy back!”
Jadi sighs at Jodi and nods.
Quiet One smiles, flashing a peace sign.
Patty looks up from texting on her iDog long enough to cock her head cutely and smile.
I’m starting to think better of this, but there’s no help for now. “Fangurl has cued my memories, so let’s get started. Roll it.”
Fangurl sallies forth. “Ah, here is where Judi’s moaning in her sleep. I can’t believe she-”
I sit up sharply. “Nobody needs to see that! Fast forward!”
Fangurl works the remote. “Ah, here’s where she camped at the wrong gate. I -”
I grit my teeth. “Hey, I made the flight! Cut to the chase, will ya?”
“Ahem, Dear Reader. As you probably learned from our own Zan, I drew her into the insane idea of running off to NYC to see the Hobbit cast taped for Anderson Cooper Live. (She blogged about it here and here.) After wild texting, we met outside the CBS studios. Also there was another fan from Twitter, Luv. Eventually the line queued down the block. We met AwkwardCeleb, RA Central and others. See, there we are taking pictures and enjoying the fun seeing each other on the flesh. Oh, some even asked to take pictures with me. Imagine!”
Jodi laughs. “You’re infamous!”
Fangurl snorts. “Yeah, you’d think she was a real fan or something…”
I cut my eyes at her. “Anyway, as you can see, we queued for over two hours but it was a lovely cool day. Eventually the staff came out with a cameraman and asked us to scream, cheer and hold up our signs.”
Fangurl interjects. “And you didn’t want to do it!”
I blush. “I didn’t know I’d have to fangurl! On national television!”
Fangurl waves a hand. “Well, I made her get that sign out. It was so COOL! *I* thought RA would get a kick out of it.”
I mutter. “I thought only they were going to see it.”
The peanut gallery laughs.
Fangurl waves me away again. “Anyway, let’s get through this. We went through a security gauntlet and they ushered into like an audience green room-”
Jodi smiles. “Big, beefy, burly security guards too!”
Jada adds. “Except the room wasn’t green. And made us sign a release to be on television.”
I remember this. “Yeah, my favorite was the part that said “you can’t sue us even if we edit you to look like a fool.”
Quiet One nods.
Patty chuffs in alarm.
Fangurl surges on. “FINALLY, they took us to the studio and and sat us with Luv who was ushered in early because of her cane. We sat right there on the right in FRONT!”
Jodi nods. “On the soft seats.”
I sigh. “We were behind the cameras but they moved most of the time. But we weren’t close enough for me to see RA well with my near-sighted self.”
Fangurl trills. “That’s okay. I had no problem. So listen up. They had two dance contests for the audience for free t-shirts. The first one was to Gangham Style. The second was to Sexy Back! Zan and I loved that!”
I nod. “Yeah, I recall that. Good thing I didn’t volunteer-.”
Jodi pipes up. “*I* would have!”
Jada sniffs. “We don’t do that.”
Quiet One nods her head to the beat.
Patty rises and shakes her booty. Some dog.
Fangurl continues. “Then the warm up lady gave us instructions on how to be a good audience- mainly act like over heated gerbils without scratching, wiggling and talking during the segments. Then they brought out Anderson Cooper. Such a funny guy.”
I frown. Things starts to get fuzzy here.
Fangurl laughs. “See there, you did quite well. I know you were zoning out there, girlfriend. They had the camera on us for the longest time. We’re going to be on TV!!!! They did the segments about [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] and that crazy woman who [CENSORED], but the [CENSORED] was pretty cool! Don’t know what we’re going to do with it, but you clung to it all the way home. Good job!”
The peanut gallery nods and applauds.
I smile uncertainly.
Fangurl is suddenly all aflutter. ” And then.. and THEN… it s time for the Hobbit cast. And the audience went WILD! Ohhh, look at the surprise on your face as Sir Ian McKellen and Martin Freeman came out of the entry right next to us. PRICELESS! Look, Sir Ian looked at you!”
I smirk. “He probably was surprised by the surprised look on my face.”
Fangurl practically shakes with delight. “Coop interviewed just the two of them for two segments and then it was time for RIIIIIIICHARD! Zan got all hot. Oh my!”
I close my eyes, groaning.
Fangurl points at my memory. “THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS! He is talllll and soooo slender too! OMG, he is more gorgeous in person. We were so close! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
The peanut gallery giggles and hoots.
Fangurl waves her arms about as if to take flight. “And then he sat his gorgeous arse down next to Andy Serkis – did I mention he came out too? – and then Sir Ian chattered and Martin said something and Richard listened and smiled and nodded. SQUEEEE! And then AwkwardCeleb asked him [CENSORED] and the audience laughed and [CENSORED], so he said [CENSORED] and the audience roared! And the voice. THE VOICE!!! Then Coop said we were getting [CENSORED] and the audience just about died!”
I nod. “Yeah, that woke me up. The [CENSORED] is pretty cool, I must say.”
Fangurl sags. “And then it was all over and he exited stage right.”
I think hard. “Yeah, Zan was fanning herself and Luv went off to get the elevator down. My knee bothered me, but I opted to take the stairs anyway.”
Fangurl nods significantly. “Yeeeees, we took the stairs. When we reached the sttreet, Luv ran over asking GUESS WHO she ran into in the elevator? Richard Armitage. Enclosed. IN. AN. ELEVATOR.”
Jodi yips. “Oh Lordy!”
Jada sighs. “She was tired.”
Quiet One shakes her head.
Patty shakes her head.
I whine. “I was so tiiiiiiiiiired. I wasn’t thinking!”
Fangurl presses. “And THEN we stood on the Fatal Side of the door.”
I sputter. “But Andy Serkis ran over to us, signed autographs and posed for pictures. I could practically touch him-”
Fangurl laughs. “Yeah, and he blocked our view of Richard on the Other Side who posed very briefly before being whisked away.”
Jodi gasps. “Ohhhhhh.”
Jada sighs again.
Quiet One laughs. “Did you get anything with Andy Serkis?”
Patty glances my way warily.
I frown at the demanding bunch. “You try fangurling on 3 hours of sleep and see how you do!”
Jodi snickers. “I thought you didn’t fangurl…”
I snap my mouth shut. Shit. “I meant.. I was there reporting. For all the fangurls.”
They giggle and snort.
I jump to my feet. “It’s true! I was there reporting, for the fans, enjoying the camaraderie and the joy of meeting people, and being part of something!”
They all smile.
I blink. “And I had a fantastic time meeting Zan finally and putting a face to the name.”
They all nod and quirk eyebrows. “Aaaaaand?”
I huff. “And that’s all there is to it!”
I flounce off.
Fangurl calls after me. “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
They all fall out laughing.
Sometimes, I really get on my nerves.