On December 28th, I quietly passed my first blog anniversary. It slipped by quietly because I really don’t have a definitive date when I decided to start a blog and did so. This venture began by accident. I thought to register as a commenter on WordPress and BAM it turned out I created a blog. So a moment of clicking idiocy opened a door on a whole new world.
I still don’t know why I didn’t delete it since I had absolutely nothing to say at the time. But an inner voice said no, this was one of those rare opportunities I shouldn’t let pass. (I suspect the voice may have been my id, Jodi, trying to get me into trouble.) Then Servetus commented, beginning a dialogue that continued for much of January, thus christening the blog. Web caches had already saved it for all posterity. It was a done thing. I had a blog on LiveJournal which basically was a long Twitter with little thought behind it. So I wanted this one to be more of an introspective experiment – an exploration on rediscovering dormant creativity.
This experiment has been daunting and a bit scary. In order for you to understand what was happening (why isn’t she posting?) or why some events were so important (London trip), I had to reveal more about myself. I’d never intended to talk about Winston and depression or delve into my psyche or share any of my work. Even though I called this blog an introspective experiment, I still thought of it in a shallow way. But I realized quickly that introspection means digging deep and if I wanted to learn anything from this experiment, I needed to be honest with myself. Such honesty out loud, on a public forum isn’t easy. But this is all me; it’s who I am. I’m learning to embrace all parts of myself, including the darker side, and not care who knows it.
So the blog has an added bonus of self discovery which has allowed me to push through obstacles in the way of drawing, vidding, and writing. Looking back, I wondered what was so hard. Of course, everything is hard when riddled with insecurity and this blog has helped put things into perspective. I can still draw and write. I’m not as crazy, hermetic, anti-social, inhibited [adjective here] as I think I am.
And I’ve managed to do it with your help and encouragement for which I’m grateful. I’ve no clue what the next year will bring, but you all will be along for the ride.