I’ve been ruminating for several weeks over advice from Hedgey, Gratiana, and Prue. The commonality between all of them is to write for yourself, what you like, and write, write, write. Servetus offered a thought provoking essay on what writing fanfic could really mean and the internal cause and effect flowing from it. The question for me has become: do I want to write fanfic, or more succinctly, do I really want to write and why?
The short easy answer is yes, writing is what I used to do. The long easy answer is I’ve always been good with words. Even when math at times eluded me, words have always been my friend. When I read voraciously as a child, they were my escape into other worlds. Then, my right-brained literary creativity was unfettered by psychological baggage and dysfunctional environments. I had not been molded to become left-brained in law school, which is akin to being forced into left handedness when I’ve always been right-handed. So I wrote imaginative stories without thinking twice, drew pictures to accompany them and then wrote more to go along with those. I’m sure there are stories dammed inside bursting to get out if only I can reach them. It’s highly likely that my writer’s block has been caused by vestiges of old baggage I need to shed and my right-sided brain being rusty from disuse. Blogging and drawing is helping the creative sap to rise, albeit slowly. Patience is probably a virtue here.
The difficult answer is probably I will be revealing something of myself, more so than I do in this blog and it disturbs me a bit especially after reading Servetus’s essay. Then I have to ask: do I want to reveal things even to myself? After chewing on that question a while, I’ve decided it really doesn’t matter since I intend to continue on my journey no matter where it takes me. It may be that the line will blur between writing for enjoyment and writing for catharsis. That being said, I’m not particularly concerned whether readers will try to draw too close parallels between my stories and me. I assume mature readers understand fiction is fantasy just as shows we enjoy are all fantastic and make believe. There is nothing much I can do about those who don’t get that point. I’m not writing for them. To each her own.
Hopefully one day I’ll break through my writer’s block. Scenes come to mind but sadly not plots which is an interesting conundrum in itself. When a full realized story does emerge from the labyrinth of my mind, you will be the first ones to read it. I will welcome all love but most importantly respectful, constructive criticism. I won’t bite – unless it’s the Fan Police.
In the meantime, I have a surprise in store tomorrow. You didn’t really think I would leave you empty handed did you? Oh, the password will be: the first name of JT’s love in N&S. See you then.