Fatal Shave: Mystery Surrounds Death of The Beard

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The Beard with close companion Richard Armitage, July 2012.

DETROIT, MI (AP).  As reported earlier, The Beard, close personal friend of British actor Richard Armitage, is dead. Rumors of its demise first circulated when an extra on the set of The Beard’s untitled film disclosed that The Beard was missing.  Sources later confirmed The Beard had in fact died.  There has been no indication when the event occurred.

There is much speculation as to what precipitated this event.  The Beard last appeared at San Diego Comic Com in July, and attendees reported it appeared healthy and lush.  Sources say The Beard did not have any life threatening conditions such as alopecia and appeared quite manageable.  One visitor stated it seemed prickly and probably needed conditioner, but otherwise there was no evidence The Beard might do itself harm.

The most troubling speculation is that The Beard fell victim to ritual sacrifice.  Strong suspicion has fallen on the make-up department at the film studio north of Detroit, where other beards, moustaches and goatees have been known to vanish.  The hirsute community is demanding an investigation into a possible hairicide, accusing the police of brushing off the disappearances.  Mr. T. Soul Patch, head of the Anti-Shave Society or ASS said, “the police must act immediate or else this investigation too, will go down the drain.”  Speculation has also fallen on Mr. Armitage, who is in seclusion and cannot be reached for comment.

Reaction to The Beard’s death has been mixed.  The Beard was very private and revealed little until recently when it began talking on Twitter under the name RichardsBeard.  Denizens described it as anywhere from “abrasive” to “tickling their funny bones.”  Fans of The Beard have expressed sorrow, stating, ” Nooooooo!”  Detractors of The Beard have been jubilant, saying, “it was a hairy character anyway that was all over Mr. Armitage’s face like a cheap suit.”

The mystery continues.

 

28 thoughts on “Fatal Shave: Mystery Surrounds Death of The Beard”

  1. Hilarious! I loved it! Thank you for the early morning laugh, Judiang!  But spare a thought for poor Servetus- she’ll be distraught. 🙁

     

     

    • I can honestly say that I am not sad to hear that The Beard has died.  It was always in the way of Mr. Armitage’s beautiful chin and mouth, relentlessly obscuring our view of his lovely visage. RIP Beard and my you never return! (except in the form of stubble)

      Thanks for the chuckles 🙂

      • Jeannie, do you know if  the funeral attire be decent clothes and fake beards? Hehe.

        I am with you. That beard had a long enough life span and it was taking the spot light from his handsome face.

        I am sure the beard’s fans will see their hairy friend again. Who says that it can’t come back to life in the future after falling off the face of the earth? I mean RA’s face. 🙂

         

        • Oh it will most definitely come back now that there are going to be three movies. They are due back in NZ in January 2013 to wrap production. I imagine that now they will have to stay there longer.

           

  2. Great read Judiang *lol*

    I am sure he wil be back again next year when filming for The Hobbit will continue

  4. I never thought I would miss the beard but it did come as a shock to read your earlier post – even though this one is hilarious!  I am placated  by the fact that he seems to be able to grow a pretty heavy stubble in a matter of days and that he may have to grow it again for more Hobbit footage! 🙂  Don’t get me wrong!  I’m still a lover of the stubble too and even the clean-shaven face!  It is a beautiful face after all! 😉  Like many of you I love him whatever facial hair he grows or not, as the case may be!! 😀

  5. De mortuis nihil nisi bonum….

    But I’m glad to see the beard has gone. In fact I would be really glad if I could actually SEE for myself that it had disappeared!!! I’m sure it will be back with a vengeance next year though and I’m convinced it’s still lurking – just waiting for a chance to get attached to that clean-shaven chin… *sighs*

    Your post definitely made me start my day laughing!! Excellent piece of writing Judi!! 🙂

     

  6. I loved the beard, but I’m really, really looking forward to seeing him again without it. It’s been so long since I’ve seen his beautiful mouth and jawline properly. When I saw the title of your posts I couldn’t get to them fast enough, I was like a crazy woman! LOL *sigh* Now it’s a matter of waiting for that first picture of him sans beard to surface.  Thanks for the laugh.  😀

  7. I’d hate to hoot my own horn, but I’d like to think I wished the beard away! Now I’m sitting here wishing I’ll win the lottery. Hey, if it worked once… 🙂

  8. Detractors of the Beard be warned! We have your addresses. The entire cast of HAIR will be on your doorsteps to assault your ears. Good morning starshine – it’s the age of Aquarious!!!!

  9. Rejoice, fans whove missed Richards wonderful mouth and chin!!! I must tweet Richards beard ASAP. He was bragging the other day about how great he was and I brought him down a peg. Now we should plan a virtual party. Im going to pray that Richards agent is smart enough to make sure the publicist book a couple of high-end photoshoots for us. We have waited very patiently and the owe us new pictures!!!!!

     

  10. Don’t worry fellow beard lovers it’s only temporary. The beard has just gone into hiding and WILL BE BACK!

     

  12. LMAO, Judiang! As much as I love the beard, I must admit that I felt an unexpected thrill when I read that the beard had gone. Perhaps I was unconsciously ready for his handsome features to see the sun again. Then again, maybe it is the knowledge that the beard will probably make a reappearance next year when they do reshoots. Goodbye for now, beard!

  13. Hahahahahahahahahahhhahahahaa Omg Im crying with laughter!!!

    I really hope youre wrong about this news. I love the beard, really hope its alive and well.

  15. “… all over Armitage’s face like a cheap suit …”

    ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m strictly middle of the road as far as the beard goes.  He looks magnificent with it. He looks equally magnificent without it.

    Now … if we’re talking stubble … don’t touch the stubble, or I may have to hurt someone.  The man rocks stubble like nobody else.  🙂

     

  16. Everyone, I wrote this for my blog this morning and want to share it with you. Hope you like it!

    DING, DONG, THE BEARD IS DEAD

    (Based on the song ‘Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead’, as sung on Glee)

     

    Once there was a Wicked Beard in the lovely land of Oz,

    And wickeder, wickeder, wickeder beard there never, ever was.

    He filled the folks in TumblrLand with terror and with dread,

    ‘Till one fine day from De-troit a blade fell on his face.

    And the makeup gal pronounced him … DEAD!

    And through the fans the joyous news went running,

    The joyous news that the Wicked Old Beard was finally done in!

    Ding, dong, the Beard is dead,

    Which old Beard? Well, uh, the Wicked Beard!

    Ding, dong, the Wicked Beard is DEAD!

    Wake up, you sleepy-head, rub your eyes and get out of that bed,

    Wake up, the Wicked Beard is DEAD!

    He’s gone where the whiskers go, below, below, below yo-ho,

    Let’s open up and sing, and ring those bells out.

    Sing the news out! Heh heh heh!

    Ding-dong, the merry-oh, sing it HIGH and sing it low,

    Let them know the Wicked Old Beard is DEAD.

    While everyone’s glad he took such a crownin’

    Getting shaved by a blade is worse than drownin’!

    Let them know the Wicked Old Beard is … DEAD!!!!!

    (written by me, today).

     

  18. Beard-hater!! 😀

    (Got your number, mujertropical! Monet is coming after you, too…) 😀

    • I never said I hated the beard. I like it, I just wanted it gone so we could see his lovely face, mainly his chin and his scrumptious lips! ;p

      Did you sing-along to the song? hahaha

       

  22. Personally … though I do like Richard with a beard, it does hide his gorgeous face, so I’m not sad to see it go.

    Anyway – I do believe it will make a reappearance for Hobbit purposes.

    And all your beard fans can look forward to seeing it in not 2 – but 3 Hobbit movies!!

    Im desperate to see a new beard-less photo of him (hint hint)

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