DETROIT, MI (AP). As reported earlier, The Beard, close personal friend of British actor Richard Armitage, is dead. Rumors of its demise first circulated when an extra on the set of The Beard’s untitled film disclosed that The Beard was missing. Sources later confirmed The Beard had in fact died. There has been no indication when the event occurred.
There is much speculation as to what precipitated this event. The Beard last appeared at San Diego Comic Com in July, and attendees reported it appeared healthy and lush. Sources say The Beard did not have any life threatening conditions such as alopecia and appeared quite manageable. One visitor stated it seemed prickly and probably needed conditioner, but otherwise there was no evidence The Beard might do itself harm.
The most troubling speculation is that The Beard fell victim to ritual sacrifice. Strong suspicion has fallen on the make-up department at the film studio north of Detroit, where other beards, moustaches and goatees have been known to vanish. The hirsute community is demanding an investigation into a possible hairicide, accusing the police of brushing off the disappearances. Mr. T. Soul Patch, head of the Anti-Shave Society or ASS said, “the police must act immediate or else this investigation too, will go down the drain.” Speculation has also fallen on Mr. Armitage, who is in seclusion and cannot be reached for comment.
Reaction to The Beard’s death has been mixed. The Beard was very private and revealed little until recently when it began talking on Twitter under the name RichardsBeard. Denizens described it as anywhere from “abrasive” to “tickling their funny bones.” Fans of The Beard have expressed sorrow, stating, ” Nooooooo!” Detractors of The Beard have been jubilant, saying, “it was a hairy character anyway that was all over Mr. Armitage’s face like a cheap suit.”
The mystery continues.