A big city 7 weeks ago
I’m wide awake and groggy at the same time. My personality’s id, superego and ego, Jodi, Jada and Quiet One are still asleep, leaving me to mindlessly buy coffee across the street and pick up the morning mail. There’s a big stack reminding me that once a month collection is probably not a good thing. I trudge back to my place, handing the Psychology Today magazine to Winston, my black dog of depression. He curls up on the sofa, happily drooling over an article on the potential for involuntary hypnosis. Hmm. When did I get him a subscription? Oh well, it keeps him occupied. I give the current Doggy Fancy mag to my pomeranian, Patty. We sit at the dining table companionably; I mutter about therapist bills and fantasy figures while Patty crunches on organic doggy shredded wheat.
I’m in the midst of a 32 page insurance invoice when the crunching suddenly stops.
Patty stares riveted at a glossy Dog of the Month centerfold while emitting curious noises sounding suspiciously like squees. I’m curious to see what she’s on about. After a brief tug of war, I peruse the article:
“ANCHORAGE, ALASKA. A tall, lean, fit malamute is reclining on a pillow, resting from the morning’s filming. He is called Rex Ames and he is the new rising talent in the canine world. Formerly an actor in British TV shows and Disney films, Rex is now poised on the edge of stardom. He has been cast in the big budget film, Iditarod: The Beginning, as a miniature Siberian Husky, the lead dog of an undersized sled team competing in the famous annual race. This film premieres in December. The sequel, Iditarod: The End, debuts the next year.
How does he feel to be taking part? Rex turns his startling blue eyes towards me and reveals a gleaming white smile. It’s easy to see why he’s become such a heartthrob. “It’s been the most amazing experience,” says Rex. “The things I’ve marked, the places I’ve howled … this will stay with me always.” He pauses to re-settle his tail. ” I’ve done well in the UK, but an actor always hopes to go to Hollywood. It turns out that the producers were not really familiar with my work, but hired me based on my audition. I’m rrrreally chuffed about that.”
Rex, 7, originally hails from northern England but now resides in London with his human companion. He refuses to name his human, saying that he’s shy and very private. (Insider sources say the human is a celebrity.) Rex has come a long way to play this dream part. “I knew I wanted to be in the arts. My first job was working as ball holder for a circus act. One day I realized that wasn’t for me and enrolled in advanced obedience school. There I was discovered and that led to work in television.”
Rex is bashful when asked about his new stud status. He barks with laughter. “I was a gangly puppy, all big paws and a long nose. It seems so strange to hear that now. I’ve never felt like an alpha.” Rex’s fan club, the Ames Alliance, feels differently. Rex smiles. “They have been a great boost to my career. They are a lovely group of older, educated, supportive bitches.” —
I look down as ecstatic Patty grabs her doggy laptop, probably to Google Rex and the AA. I wonder for a second if I’m spoiling her. “Hold on Patty, there’s more.”
—“Has his success affected his love life? Rex dips his head shyly. “I’m not sniffing anybody right now. I’ve been so focused on my career, there’s been no time for a relationship.” But what about the future? “Sure, I’d like to find a mate and have puppies. My friends are having litters every year. I’m envious.” —
Patty yips and squees. Oh no, she’s composing a fan letter. Why again did I teach her to type?
—“Rex’s future promises to be busier. He’s been cast as the lead in the live action remake of Lady and the Tramp, a light role Rex welcomes after starring in a series of broody roles. “I just don’t have one of those cute cuddly faces,” he laments. Rumors are circulating that he’s on tap to star in Rin Tin Tin. It appears that Rex’s star is truly on the rise.”
I frown to the sound of little paws furiously clacking away. All of this feels so familiar, like deja vu. They say dogs are a lot like their owners. Could it be –? Naaaaah. Just one more odd musing to discuss with Dr. G.
I need more coffee.