Last week, Servetus ran an interview for her Fan Showcase with the irrepressible Jane.  Jane is a fan known for her blunt but frank opinions regarding Richard Armitage, his roles and the direction of his career. She presents her views as one of an outsider.   She’s aware these opinions are not mainstream, and at times directly conflict with the majority of fandom.  I don’t agree with everything she says, but I respect her opinions and guts to stick by them.  The commentary was lively and interesting.  Unfortunately, the  post had to be closed because of ad hominen attacks.  I came away with a sense that some people saw Jane as hurtful to fandom and worse yet, not really a fan.

I find such attitudes disturbing.  A fandom is not a monolith.  We are all different people from different backgrounds, cultures, experiences, etc.  We are not a hive mind; we do not think alike.  So it stands to reason that there’s a a whole spectrum of fans and a broad definition of what it means to be one.  That the crush happens to be Richard Armitage doesn’t change that.

I agree with many of Jane’s core remarks.  I’m an outsider looking in as well.  I don’t subscribe to the idea that everything I say about RA must be 100% complimentary.  I see nothing wrong with criticizing a crush, or pointing out the Emperor is wearing no clothes if that’s true. I don’t think RA is the most special actor to ever come along; he is a very good actor with the potential to be exceptional. Whether he will prove to be so remains to be seen. I am a “polygamist,” in that I also admire another actor and think the same things about him as well.  I don’t believe everything he says, being mindful of the public persona he must present and the publicity machine of which he’s a part.  I don’t think my remarks mean one jot in the larger scheme of things, can “hurt” fandom in general or RA in particular, or that he need any protection.  I can embrace all of these views while still admiring and enjoying his work and respecting him as the person he present himself to be.  Oh, and he can take a bad picture.   Does that mean I’m not a “real” fan?  No, it just means my way of thinking about him may be different from the next person’s.

Last year, I received a private email from a commenter intrigued by this series.  She questioned whether there was room in fandom for people like her, who while admiring RA, did not necessarily agree with the consensus opinion.  I replied there should be room for everybody; there are different kinds of fans with a myriad of views who need to be heard and respected.  It makes for a richer, more interesting and mature fandom.  Happily, she started her own blog.

Yes, it’s possible to disagree, analyze, question and still be a fan.  Support and enthusiasm for a crush should not be measured by the degree others think a person should squee, gush, and go along with the program, but by that person’s own personal enjoyment.  Jane, although at times critical, gave quite some thought to her opinions.  Yet she still is an avid fan because her appreciation of RA continues. Likewise,  I have disagreed on my blog (albeit wrapped in snark and humor) but that does not diminish my appreciation.

So, there’s no such thing as a “real” fan.

I’ve gone over my old posts and had several weeks to think how to best articulate what happened next with Mr. Crush.  The last post described how the fan club enjoyed a boom and a sort of creative nirvana.  Things moved along swimmingly (always wanted to say that). Mr. Crush (and his wife) took a sporadic interest in the club.  We seemed to go from strength to strength as we traveled to London several more times to see him two more plays and lunch with him.  However, underneath it all, things were unraveling.

The reason why brings me to my first axiom of fandom: do not learn too much about your crush.

Crushing intrinsically carries a certain idealization of subject.  You know the person is human with foilbles just like yourself, there is still a sense that this person may be more special than the next.  When the veil between subject and fan is pierced,  the allure, the specialness dissipates in the face of the person’s frailities.

In our case, we got to know Mr. Crush all too well. He was not nasty or sarcastic or caustic like my previous crush.  Mr. Crush was an affable, likeable man but  two aspects of his personality wore down the inner circle of which I was a part.  First, he was a flake extraordinaire.  He wasn’t deliberately rude; he simply marched to the beat of different drummer.  When we flew to London for an arranged meeting with him, he stood us up, seemingly having forgotten about us. A few days later, he called  the organizer wondering where we were.  He arranged a Q &A on his own initiative and then failed to follow through.  He was so unreliable, he became a joke and an annoyance in the inner circle.  We didn’t tell the rest of the fans although they were aware that events seemed to evaporate. Personally, I was anNOYed.  I abhor a flake and would never have one for a friend.  But I enjoyed the cameraderie of the group.  The club continued, almost inspite of him and then two big things happened.

This brings me to the second axiom of fandom: know what qualities you can and cannot respect in a crush.  If certain qualities would leave you appalled,  it’s time to walk away.

Here is where the telling gets tricky.  Let’s just say that Mr. Crush, who touted himself a family man, made an unwise choice at a convention which led a few of us to surmise that he was being indiscrete.  A short time later, his wife venting her spleen on Facebook indirectly confirmed our suspicions.  Our club blew  up.  Those who had not twigged were either deeply shocked and left, or sad but resigned.  Personally, I had lost interest over the flakiness but the cheating was beyond the pale for me.  Ordinarily I consider a person’s private life private.  But once I learn things, I cannot un-know them.  I cannot condone partner beaters, serial cheaters, bigots, and child molesters to name a few, and cannot admire a person I cannot respect.  I could no longer respect Mr. Crush although what he did privately was his own business.

The inner circle was done too.  The club limped along for a long time before the listmom jokingly changed its name.  The list still exists today but only as token to the past I suspect.  Somebody might post once in a blue moon. Upon reflection, it is likely things might not have disintegrated had we kept ourselves blissfully ignorant, more detached and not known Mr. Crush as well as we did.  But then again, who knows.  Today, I dig just enough to discover whether a person is worthy of admiration (i.e. not a creep as listed above) and stop.  As for the rest, I don’t need to know or want to know.  I prefer the fan innocence.  After all, my purpose in fandom is to have fun.